Love Thursday - My Sister

Love is seeing the joy on my sister's face when she gets her own "Mrs. Claus". (It made me cry when I watched her open it). I adore my sister so much!!! She is someone that everyone loves. :)

******if you read the post a few posts down, it'll tell you the whole story about "Mrs. Claus"*********

Happy Love Thursday everyone!

Post Christmas Stuff

Christmas is over.

Santa has left the building.

It's time to bring the totes out to start putting stuff away and get my house back to pre-Christmas decorations.

The after Christmas sales have begun.

The rude people dashing to get those good deals are back again. (do they HAVE to leave their cart in the middle of the aisle so no one can get through?)

2006 is coming to a close. (thank goodness, it's been a roller coaster year, I tell you)

I got my daughter's cold. ::::::::::::::sniff, sniff::::::::::::::::

My eldest just informed me she has a paper cut on her finger.

Time to start purging my house and donate to the Salvation Army to get that extra write off in before the year ends.

Time to get back on my "watching what I eat" and doing some serious workouts on a regular basis again.

I need to go looking for a new elliptical machine. (See above sentence)

:::::::::sniff::::::::sniff:::::::::::

I need to go lay down and get this damn cold out of my system.

My cat isn't in heat anymore.

I need to find a vet fast before she goes back in heat soon.

It was rather amusing to watch her though at times.

Did you know that there are people out there who actually use a q-tip to "help" with their cat in heat? (Ewwwwww, gross!!!!!)

Have to call an appraiser to come out here and appraise our house to get that fucking PMI taken off.

:::::::sniff::::::::::::

My head is hurting now because of this cold.

Tomorrow IS another day...........

Memories Monday - Merry Christmas!!

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all!!

Today's Memories Monday, is of course, memories of past Christmases.

We had a very nice Christmas morning this morning. My girls are enjoying their presents right now. Santa gave the eldest a stereo and the youngest an American Girl doll.

Pretty much every year, they have gotten what they've asked for from Santa. They know (well, the youngest doesn't realize it yet, but she's still impressionable) that not to ask for something TOO extravagant, so it's easier for them to get what they want from Santa. I didn't always get what I wanted, but that was because sometimes, it just wasn't possible.

I ALWAYS loved Christmas Eve growing up. All the aunts, uncles and cousins would come over on Christmas Eve and would have chili that my grandma or mom made. I never liked chili, so I would always have tortillas. Going to bed that night on Christmas Eve was so full of anticipation. I was SO excited for Christmas to come, to see what Santa brought. The kids always had to go sleep out in the den, away from the living room where Santa would bring the presents. I would fall asleep by the light of the Christmas trees, straining my ears to see if Santa was here yet.

I remember one year I got my red cassette player, which I loved (I think I was in 3rd or 4th grade), and I remember my aunt getting her yellow 8-track player.

When I was in 5th grade, I got a Barbie motorhome. I LOVED that thing!!! Sometime later that next year, I came across a picture of my aunt's boyfriend putting together that motorhome. That's when I knew. I really had had NO idea or any indication before that, about Santa. I truly believed. I actually was crushed! :(

That next year, in 6th grade, all I wanted was a Barbie dreamhouse. I didn't want anything else. I even told my mom I didn't want anything else, even from anybody else. Just the Barbie dreamhouse. When I woke up that next morning, I was truly hoping I would have it there. But alas, it wasn't there. I was crushed. I knew it was expensive, but I thought maybe, just maybe I could get it. To be honest, I don't even remember what I did get from Santa that year. I just remember that my best friend, Stacie, did get the Barbie Dreamhouse. I do remember feeling sad that she got it and I didn't. But, my friend was a very nice and generous friend (and she still is, by the way) and when I would go over there to play, she let me play with 1/2 of the house (the house actually divided up into 3 separate sections). (How nice is that, I tell you!!!) So at least I did get to enjoy it through my friend. I knew my mom felt bad she couldn't get it, but it just something my mom couldn't afford.

Sometimes Christmases were lean over the years. My mom raised 3 girls all by herself with no help from our fathers (another story later, I'll just say now that she had really bad luck with men), and so it was up to her to make our Christmases as nice as she could. She would sometimes be up until 2 in the morning, making clothes for us, taking our measurements while we slept.

One year she knew I wanted the designer brand names jeans that everybody was wearing at the time (I think that was 7th or 8th grade). So she asked everyone, to get me a pair of them. I was so excited that Christmas morning!

Another year, on Christmas morning (I think I was in either high school or out of it by then, I can't remember) I woke up and found a photo album from Santa. I thought, "Oh, that's nice" and didn't even look inside, until I saw my sister look inside hers. Her album was full of pictures of her from the time she was a baby until the present! So I eagerly looked inside mine and found the same! That was one of the most special Christmases I had ever had. It was a present that had a lot of meaning to it. My mom knew I loved pictures. She knew I would cherish this present. And it was a present that barely cost anything. It was something that she and my grandma enjoyed doing. They loved putting together those albums for me and my sister.

Those special presents like that are the best!!!

Mrs. Claus

Last year when we went through my mom's decorations, both my sister and I vied for the Mrs. Claus. Here she is (please forgive her, she's old and has some stains):



I don't even remember the year my mom made her. I think it was sometime in Junior High, maybe.


Every Christmas she would come out.


I often wonder why my mom didn't make Santa Claus too. Maybe it was because Mrs. Claus is often overlooked in the Christmas decorations category? Maybe it's because we were a house of females and Mrs. Claus was appropriate.


Anyway, I got Mrs. Claus. She's been out every Christmas, just as she had been when she was with my mom.


Shortly after I received her though, I wanted my sister to have her too. I often thought of maybe every other year, we trade off having her. But then I thought of something else......

Could I find the pattern? Could I find the material? Could I make my sister a Mrs. Claus of her very own?

Turns out they still make the pattern (Go figure!). And while I wasn't able to get all the material my mom used on Mrs. Claus, I was able to find the material that was on the picture of the pattern, which included the same material on the apron that my mom used (eBay ROCKS!). Besides, having it be changed a little bit would make it her own.

This past weekend my sisters came down to my house so we could celebrate Christmas together. When my sister opened up her Mrs. Claus, I cried (yes, I know, silly me, but I could tell she was so surprised with it and it was a special present. (Earlier in the day she was looking at the original Mrs. Claus and saying how she loved looking at it when she was little and touching it.)

Now she has her own:

Two Years Ago Today....

.....my mom passed away.

The past few months have been pretty hard on me, and I've been thinking about my mom a lot. I've been missing her a lot. A friend of mine recently wrote about her loss on her blog, and she said it was therapeutic to her. Maybe writing about this will be therapeutic to me.

Two years ago and an evening ago, I got a phone call. It was my sister, who was visiting my mom from out of state. I knew it was her, because she usually always calls me when she's visiting my mom. " I knew it was you", I jokingly said. That's when all the jokes stopped. She called to tell me that they had taken mom away in an ambulance.

About a half hour later I got a call from my other sister who had gone in the ambulance with my mom. "There's bleeding in the brain", she said. When she said those words, I knew. I knew there was no hope. My mom had had a massive bleeding stroke.

I frantically packed my clothes and my girls' clothes. My husband was frantically running around after me too. See, he had to go to work on Monday, and when you're in the military, you don't miss work, especially when it's a day as important as that day was. What was he going to do? He knew he needed and wanted to go up with me, but how? We finally decided to take two cars.

My aunt called. She didn't want me driving up there by myself in that state of mind. I told her not to worry. Husband was going to follow me from behind and I KNEW that my grandma, up in heaven, would be watching over me to make sure I got there to see my mom before she passed on to say goodbye.

When I got up there, I met my youngest sister in the hospital, and husband took the kids to my mom's house. I saw my mom hooked up to machines. She was not responsive. She didn't open her eyes. She didn't talk. She just lied there. They moved her up to ICU shortly after I got there. The doctors kept coming in to talk to us. They would run additional tests in the morning to confirm what we already knew. There was too much bleeding in the brain and it had shifted her brain. They said her eyes were fixed and dialated. If we took her off the machines, did she want her organs donated? I had no idea. I was in a fog, yet very real state.

My youngest sister and I stayed there. We were NOT leaving our mom. My other sister couldn't handle it. She kept coming and going.

At some point in the night, while my sister and I dozed for a few minutes, I could actually feel my mom's soul leave the room. When I woke up and looked at her, I knew for sure. Her soul was gone. She was up in heaven. All that was left was her body, still hooked up to machines.

In the morning, the doctors were going to start running more tests but we said no. We knew. We knew she was gone. We made the decision to turn off the machines. It wasn't a hard decision though. Mom had always told us that she never wanted to be hooked up to machines. She didn't want to suffer. She always joked that she wanted us to take her out back and shoot her. (It may sound shocking but not the way she said it).

So we made the calls to everyone. We got my sister back down to the hospital to say goodbye. She left again before they shut off the machines. No one knew if she wanted to have her organs donated and while it is a WONDERFUL thing to do, we were selfish at the time. We wanted it to be over with. We didn't want to think of our mom still being hooked up to machines to have her organs harvested, for another 14 hours. We wanted to be there when her body stopped.

My husband came by on his way back down to our house so he could go to work the next day and get time off to come back up. They were getting ready to turn the machines off. My sister's boyfriend had come down too. Both of them stayed in the room with us the whole time.

Both my sister and I watched my mom, each of us were on one side of her. We agonizingly memorized every inch of her. We touched her face. We hugged her. We kissed her. We looked at her feet and hands and looked at our own to see what we inherited from her.

We waited for her heart to stop. For her body to stop. When it finally did, we hugged her and said goodbye. We hugged each other and cried. We both knew that we would be there for each other.

As sad and devastating as that moment was, I would NOT trade it for anything. I was there when my mom took her last breath. I was there until the end. It was a moment in time that I will always cherish, and I know my sister will too. My mom was there when we came in the world and we were there when she left.

Memories Monday - Hair Cuts and Colors

I was wondering what to write about today when a friend of mine was talking about her hair cut. And that got me thinking back to high school and beyond and the various styles and hair color my friends and myself have gone through.

The first time I tried to change my hair in any way was with the infamous Sun-In. You know, I'm not even sure if it really works that well. When you put it on and go lay out in the sun, I think it does help it to highlight it some, but certainly not as well as hair color, you know?

Then I did the highlighting kit with the cap and crochet hook. You know the one, where you impale your scalp when you put the crochet hook through the holes (that you have to make with the hook), and grab just the right amount of hair through. If you pull too little, you have to grab more, and if you grab too much, you have to finagle the hook under the cap, try to find the right hole and only pull some of it back.

I never truly colored my whole hair until I was 20 or so. Then it was a reddish brown. I've never gone truly CRAZY and gone pure black, or blonde or pink or red. I never had the guts to do that. I've always stayed in the browns area (whether it's light, medium or dark), and occassionally have done the blonde highlights.

Now, I've had friend who have gone the blonde mode in high school. Some turned out okay, some it took a few times to get it right, because the guy friend who said he knew how to do it, forgot to get the "Blue out" when he tried to dye my friend's hair blonde. Oh my what a night THAT was! I'm sure it included some Bacardi 151 though too.

Hair lengths........

Now this is one area, where I've had my hair all different lengths at some point in my life. Even growing up when I was little, my hair was always a little different length in school pictures. In 1st and 2nd grade it was a little longer each year, then in 3rd grade I went to shoulder length, and 4th even shorter. Then I started to let it grow out again through 5th, 6th, & 7th grade. Then I started going in reverse again. In 8th it was a little shorter, in 9th, I had some dorky ass perm, and then in 10th grade I went short. Above my shoulders short. 11th grade, about the same, maybe a little longer and then in my senior year I went super short. Then, during that year, I started letting it grow out and then I let it grow. It got pretty long. Then again in my early 20's I went to the shoulders, let it grow again, etc.

I think you get the picture.

One thing that has always stayed consistent though, is that ever since 3rd grade, I've always had bangs. I tried at one point to grow them out and it looked okay for a little while, but I'm just the type of person who needs bangs.

Okay, the point of the story here is that I got a nice bonus from being at my work for 10 years and my boss said that I had to use the money on MYSELF. To go away for a weekend, or just buy something for me. Do something for me. (Since I almost always use it for my family for things we would want to get) So I was thinking of using some of it to actually go to a hair salon (and not Supercuts), get a nice haircut and get my hair colored professionally, and not from the box at home. Wow, what a concept for me........ That's just something I don't do, because we always need the money for something else.

Of course I still want to go away for a weekend by myself though...... :)

Celebrating Christmas With My Sisters

On Saturday, both my sisters came down to my house so we could celebrate Christmas together, even if it is a week early.

It was SOOOOO nice to have the 3 of us together again, just us. I don't even know the last time, if ever, that the 3 of us and our family were together, just us. We've been together before recently, but there's always been my aunt and cousins too, which I absolutely love too, don't get me wrong. But it got me thinking, when was the last time the 3 of us were together, just us, celebrating something? Even when my mom was alive, my mom was there too.

To me, this last Saturday was such a special day for me. My girls and my one sister's girls played together in my girls' room, and both my sisters, myself and my one sister's husband all sat around the dining room table talking. (This was after we all opened presents, of course). It got me thinking back to when I was little and we had family get togethers. All the kids were off playing and the adults would be sitting around the table taking and enjoying themselves. I always wanted to sit with the adults when I was little. I was always fascinated by them and what they would talk about. And now I'm one of them!

Before my mom passed away, (up until my sister moved out of state), we were always together at Christmas. It was a tradition that we had always done since I was a wee one and we would go over to my grandma's house. And I know, that when we were all together, sitting around that table, my mom was looking down on us and smiling that we still get together, even though she's gone.

Next year, my sister has already said she wants us up at their place. I told them fine, but we'll have to do it like we did this year, about a week before Christmas, that way we can celebrate Christmas Day at home.

Hubby, kids and myself celebrated Christmas at home for the VERY first time ever, last year, and we loved it. It was just us, no rushing around to get to other people's house and we decided that we want to continue it that way. I do like starting the tradition of us sisters getting together a week or so before Christmas to celebrate it together though.

Memories Monday - Jingle Bells

I went to my Christmas party for my work on Saturday and had a really good time. Definitely something I needed. I did get embarrassed though when my boss was doing my "tribute" to being there 10 years. (Damn, where did he find some of those pictures????)

Now, since last year my boss has been giving "gag" gifts to the employees, and this year, I got a mood ring. TOTALLY fitting, since my moods have been up and down the past few months (thank goodness I'm on medication, otherwise they'd be even MORE wacko! )

Also, we raffle off the centerpieces on the table too at the party. There was this one that looked like a gingerbread candy store, too cute! I kept waiting for my number to be called, hoping that no one had wanted it yet, and thenk goodness when my number was called, it was still available!! When I got it, I didn't realize it was a music box as well! Even cuter! I love music boxes and I know both my girls love it too.

It wasn't until yesterday that I realized the tune (I mean I knew what the tune was, it's Jingle Bells) was VERY familiar. You know how when you play music boxes, at first they'll play REALLY fast and then slowly dwindle down to really slow? Well, this one is no exception. When it was playing really fast, that's when it dawned on me, that it was the same tune as a music box decoration my grandma had. My grandma's was a large gold bell, and when you pulled on the string, it played Jingle Bells. There was one point through the years when it didn't work, but somehow, someone got it working again. I don't know which one of my sisters have it now. One of them got it when we divided the decorations up, I think (either that or my aunt has it).

I always remembered playing that at Christmastime and dancing funny little dances when it would play really fast. It was always fun for us to pull the string to hear the music. Growing up it would always be hanging in the den over my grandpa's poker table. Later on in years when my mom had it, she would hang it on the wall between the dining room and the living room.

And now, thanks to my boss, I now have that music box sound of Jingle Bells again, along with it playing really fast and then really slow at the end.

Another memory to keep going strong.

Hissy Fit and Organic Free Range Chicken Broth

I had SUCH a stressful day at work today. I got so stressed that I actually had a hissy fit, complete with stomping my feet up and down. Everybody there stopped what they were doing when I did that. Well, at least it's better than having a major panic attack and having to go to the hospital, but I did feel like a 4 year old after I did it. Geez.....grow up!

Work itself is so extremely stressful for me right now. I'm doing a full-time position in less than 20 hours a week. Talk about major overload! I sure hope it calms down sometime soon. Plus with husband gone right now, I'm doing everything solo. At least it's the weekend.

This evening I read one of my favorite blogs Dooce and I laughed away a lot of stress I had. She had talked about Organic Free Range Chicken Broth and apparently some people took offense to what she said and so she posted some of their responses and had her response to them. I found it so funny. What a nice release for me.

My Tuesdays Are Mondays...

I purposely don't work on Mondays. I hate working on Mondays. Mondays suck to work.

That's why when I start my week at work, it starts on Tuesdays. But you know what? My Tuesdays are my Mondays so I'm a bitch at work. I freely admit it. But I'm even more of a bitch on Tuesdays when I am only able to work a few hours, instead of a few more. Because that means I have to get as much shit done at work as I can before I have to leave. And that makes me even more bitchy because I'm stressed out.

And to top it all off, I have my youngest at work with me on Tuesdays, which adds to my stress level, because I have to make sure she's not getting into trouble at work, while I'm running around trying to get all the shit done. Now, when I can stay for more than a few hours, I am less stressed out, but still stressed out, just the same.

I have one more Tuesday though, where my youngest will be at work with me. Starting in January, I will have her go to preschool on Tuesdays as well. I need it for my sanity. Plus, she really enjoys preschool now and would be happy to be there another day. Also, she will start Kindergarten in September and will have to get used to going every day. Sooooo.....in April, I will have her go every day to preschool then, to get her used to going.

My youngest LOVES routine. She wants to know what the plan is for the day. When things go awry, she takes some time getting adjusted to it. So it'll be a good thing for her.

She'll still come to work with me in the afternoons though for a couple of hours on Tuesday and Wednesdays. But it is just for a short while. I think I just need to get new toys in my office, because she's not interested in any of them anymore................

Memories Monday - Fake Christmas Trees

Growing up we always had to have a real Christmas tree at our house. We LOVED the smell of it. But did we have to put it up, put the lights around it, and take it down and lug it out to the trash afterwards? No, I never remember doing that. Okay, maybe I put the lights around it, because apparently I'm pretty good at it.

Every year though, I always looked forward to going over to my Grandma and Grandpa's house on the weekend in December so I could put together their fake Christmas tree. It was like a puzzle to me. And it wasn't just putting it together, it was putting the ornaments on the tree, the same ornaments we saw year after year.

I now actually have some of those ornaments. They are so unique and I always loved them when I put them on my Grandma's tree. I also have my favorite ornaments that were on my mom's tree. And the ones that I made her. Like the macaroni one that's spray painted with gold.

We are now in the process of looking for a fake tree. I know, I know, I always said I would never have a fake tree in my house, but damn, it does get hard getting that real one in, keeping it watered, etc. Although.....I don't know...........I do LOVE the real ones too. I'm so confused!! I guess part of me is worried that the cat and dog are going to destroy it while I'm at work one day. Hmmm......what to do.....what to do..........I LOVE traditions, but I also like the convenience of getting a prelit tree too. I did go buy a real wreath though today at Costco. So at least I DO have the smell in the house......

Christmas....It's a' coming!

Ah, this is the time of the year when I get SOOOO extremely busier than normal. Well, obviously, duh, because Christmas is coming and I have people to buy for. I so enjoy buying presents for my family and friends! I like it when I've come up with a great idea for a gift for that person. I also get frustrated at times too though, when I can't even think of a thing to buy for someone either.

At my last pychologist appointment on Thursday, she gave me homework. I am to write down everything that I do. Damn, another thing to add to my list of shit that I do all day long! Oh, and I am to start lists of things I need to get done. I like that one though. It does definitely help me get through things better. The past couple of days I have gotten through many things on my list. Of course I'm always adding things to it too.

Oh, and I'm also tired these days too. Why? Because my DAMN cat keeps meowing all night long, wanting to come into my bedroom. Why don't I just let her you say? Because I still wouldn't get any sleep, because if I dare move during the night, she'll wake up and start attacking whatever it is that moved.

Okay, enough whining for now, I'm too tired. I'm going to try and catch up on some sleep before I start another busy filled day tomorrow.....

Geriatric Pregnancy????

Did you know that if you are over 35 and pregnant, you are referred to as a Geriatric Mother? Come on people!! I think the medical world needs to come up with a different "label" for that! It sounds like a grandma in her 80's giving birth!

Oh, and I am certainly not referring to me, not pregnant here. Nope, not gonna happen. I've got my two (which I barely squeaked by in avoiding the "geriatric pregnancy" label, I was 34 when I had my youngest), I'm happy as a lark with them, hubby and I don't want to be outnumbered in the household - not that there's anything wrong with having more than two children, I have friends who do and they are wonderful parents.

Memories Monday - Thanksgivings Past....

Thanksgiving.......the start of the "Holiday Season".

The day before "Black Friday".

The day when families get together.

This Thanksgiving my cousin and her boyfriend came down to have Thanksgiving with us. This Thanksgiving seemed so different from years past. First of all, my husband was home, but he had duty, so he wasn't able to have dinner here at home with us. In the Thanksgivings of the past, when he has been home, it's usually my one of a handful of days in the year when I get to sleep in. He would take the girls to the park or playground in the morning while I got to sleep in. With turkeys nowadays, you don't have to get up at 3 in the morning to start cooking. My grandma used to do that. That was probably one of the few days when she DIDN'T sleep in. Growing up I always remember he being a late riser. My grandpa was the one who was always up at 6 a.m.

Growing up we usually always went to my Great Aunt Joan's for Thanksgiving dinner. My grandma and her would trade off. Aunt Joan would have Thanksgiving dinner, and my grandma would have Christmas dinner. My grandma wanted it that way, that way we could enjoy Christmas day at home (well, at her house, but she lived in the same town as us and we always spent Christmas Eve and Day at her house).

My girls have followed my love for Orange Jello Salad. It is made with sherbert and mandarin oranges, with the orange jello. VERY yummy! I was always disheartened when we would go to my Aunt Joan's and she would make strawberry jello salad. Not my favorite. I always looked forward to the orange jello salad.

Thanksgiving......the night before........now that was a night that was always a bad night for me and two of my friends. The first year something happened, we were in 10th grade. We had gone out that night with some guys that one of my friends knew. Well, the guy who was driving was speeding up a street and did an illegal u-turn. He got pulled over. We happened to be in the car with him and his friends when he got pulled over. The police had us all sit on the curb while things were being investigated. Of course 1/2 of the high school (okay, maybe not 1/2 but it sure seemed like it!) just happened to drive on that street that night and saw us sitting on the curb. We were SO embarrassed! The police did not want us driving with them again, so they took us down to the station to have our parents pick us up. Oh great!!!! My one friend's parents were furious with her! My mom came down and got me and my friend (her parents were either out of town, or said it was okay for them to release my friend to my mom) and she started joking with the police officers that in all the years she's lived in our town, this was the first time she had ever seen the police station, and it was to pick up her daughter. She wasn't mad at all. Gotta love my mom!!!

Next episode........mom wasn't too happy then.........we all went to a dance club and on the drive home (I was driving my mom's car), the oil light came on. I didn't know that I should have pulled over right then and there and called for help. Nooooo....I tried to catch up to the boys we met that night to have them help us and in the meantime, I froze the engine. We ended up stranded at some gas station at like 2:00 a.m. in the morning! Needless to say that my mom wasn't happy then, and it cost quite a bit of money to have the engine replaced. It wasn't all my fault, the place where we got the oil changed had screwed up and put on the wrong filter.

Next one......okay, nothing happened that NIGHT that we knew of, but the next morning, Thanksgiving morning, we came out to leave in the car and it had a flat tire. So I don't go out the night before Thanksgiving anymore with those two friends. Bad Karma...........

Thanksgiving with my mom......the last Thanksgiving I had with my mom was two years ago. Of course we didn't know that it was going to be the last one we would have with her. My aunt, her boyfriend and my two cousins came down to my mom's house and we drove up there. It was so much fun. We all laughed and ate and talked so much. Also, it was weird. That evening my mom pulled out her jewelry (some of which she inherited), and started giving it to us. It bothered me that she did that, and I even jokingly asked her if she was dying. She said, of course not, but I think, somewhere, deep inside, she knew.

Memories Monday - Being Pregnant

One of my cousins and a friend of mine is pregnant so of course that brings me back to thinking about when I was pregnant........

My very first pregnancy was so exciting when it happened, but sadly I had a miscarriage when I was about 6-7 weeks along. I was so devastated and it hurt so much. I had wanted to have a baby for just about my whole life.

3 months later though, I was blessed to be pregnant again. We hadn't taken a pregnancy test yet, but we were pretty sure I was pregnant. I even went on a ride on a Harley, and if I didn't get my period after that, I knew I had to be pregnant. Sure enough, the stick had 2 pink lines. I was so excited but yet still so nervous because I was afraid I was going to miscarry again. Even though I was told it was fully okay to exercise, I was paranoid about doing too much that would cause me to miscarry. I was SOOOOOO incredibly emotional too. Hubby and I would get into arguements and I would just go SOOOOOOOO over the top. We look back at that now and laugh, but I certainly wasn't laughing at the time.

I LOVED feeling my daughter move inside me. I loved the kicks. I loved everything about my pregnancy. I even smiled through the nausea. She was such a wanted baby!!! I did do the mistake about "eating for two" though, because I think sometimes I ate for 3 or 4! LOL!! One of the only things that sucked was being 9 months pregnant in the summertime. And of course it had to be a HOT summer too!! My husband had training out in the desert and had to take my car that had air conditioning in it, which meant I was stuck with the SUV that didn't have it. Not fun. I drove as little as possible.

I also got Gestational Diabetes with my first one too and that wasn't fun at all. I did get lucky though and never got the hemmoroids that can accompany pregnancy, although I did have to take stool softeners because of the extra Iron I had to take with the prenatal vitamins.

My 2nd pregnancy......I didn't think I was pregnant at all when I was. I got my period. Or what I thought was my period. It came on time, but it was so light. I waited a few days and it never really came (I ALWAYS had heavy periods). So about a week later, I thought, hey, maybe I should take a pregnancy test. I think I have the symptoms, but I'm not sure. Sure enough, a faint pink line showed up on the stick. I didn't even tell my husband that I bought a pregnancy test. We just thought I wasn't. So I showed him the stick and he was in shock! We even went out and bought another test to make sure!

This pregnancy? Definitely different in some ways than the first. I kept spotting off and on during the first trimester. I was so terrified that I would lose this one. But everytime I went in, things were fine and my cervix was closed. It turns out that I had an erosion on my cervix (kind of like a scrape - don't ask me how it got there, I have no idea - we're not that kinky) and while my cervix was closing up and hardening, it was causing irrititation to the erosion, causing it to bleed. I made sure I watched what I ate this time and exercised a LOT more.

I still got Gesational Diabetes though with my 2nd pregnancy.

Now that my youngest is going to start Kindergarten next year, I'm getting that feeling again. I see pregnant bellies and think "Oh, I loved my belly when I was pregnant!" "I loved feeling the kicks" It's true what they say about you blocking out the pain of childbirth, although between my first and second, it took almost 5 years for me to get over the birth of my first daughter. I was in labor 16 hours, pushed for 3 hours and she wasn't coming through the birth canal, so I had to have a c-section. With my 2nd? Oh, she decided to come early ( or rather my body decided not to be pregnant anymore) and so they originally stopped my labor, then when my body started having complications, started my labor up again, and I was able to have my 2nd daughter vaginally.

Let me tell you, having a baby the normal way, vaginally, is SOOOOOOO much better than having a c-section. The recovery process is like night and day. I had trouble walking after my c-section, it hurt so much. After having my 2nd daughter, I was walking around that day. Did it hurt? Oh yea. But it was still so much better than having a c-section. With my c-section they actually had to put me out because I was still feeling them cut me. With my vaginal birth I got to see my daughter be born. And I cried I was so happy. Had I had a vaginal birth with my first one, I would have had my 2nd one much sooner.

Oh, and epidurals? A god send! Pain and me do not mix. Before I got my epidural with my 2nd one, I was having a contraction and my aunt is standing there saying, "You're having a contraction" No shit!

But alas, I am done having children. Hubby had that taken care of. My body just didn't like being pregnant and didn't do well the 2nd time and I'm not going to put my body through that again, and have a chance on having something happen to me. Plus hubby and I don't want to get outnumbered in the house!

So now we have animals........... :D

Memories Monday - Flashback To The 80's

This past weekend my husband and I were watching VH1's 100 top 80's songs. What a flashback!

I grew up in the 80's. The music was SO important to me in the 80's. My friends and I would go to dance clubs and concerts all the time. Our whole world revolved around music. Posters up on the walls, records, 12" singles, imports, going to see bands down in Hollywood,etc.

And so many songs bring back so many memories for me!

Duran Duran's Rio album.....I remember listening to that one summer night while all my friends had dates or other plans. It was still so warm at night, but cool enough to be tolerated. I sat right next to my stereo on the floor just listening to it. That and Simple Minds.

The Smiths' "How Soon Is Now"......everytime I hear that song, even to this day, reminds me of when me and my friends went to the beach one summer day.

Whitesnake's "Here I Go Again".......riding in my friends car in the summertime, just driving around at night.

Soft Cell...........Dancing at Network in Glendale.

Spandau Ballet......Dancing at 321 in Santa Monica.

Guns & Roses.....going to a party out in Chatsworth.

Def Leppard.......going to their concert (my very first concert), watching their Photograph video on MTV at my friend's house before we left for school.

Depeche Mode.....oh, so many different memories in so many different places it's hard to just name one.

Thompson Twins.....again, at Network in Glendale. That and the song "White Lines", the group Yaz, and so many more....

We were also talking about how much fun it was back then too. I loved going to parties! We all just had SO much fun! Yes, there were many drunk nights, and many nights that we probably wish we could forget. Breaking curfew, driving way too fast to get home by curfew, sitting in my room at night in the dark, listening to music while looking at the glow in the dark stars on my ceiling.

There are times where I want my daughters to be able to experience what I did growing up, but mostly I'm like "Hell No!" When we went to parties there were no guns that would be drawn, people most of the time respected the fact that, "no, I'm not into that drug", or "no thanks", or maybe it was the fact that we were just lucky back then? I met so many different types of people in high school and I accepted the different lifestyles they led, or how they dressed, wore their hair, etc. When I see kids with mohawks or different colored hair, I'm like, "Oh, that's SOOOO 80's, you know?"

Memories Monday - Breastfeeding

I was reading The Sarcastic Journalist yesterday and she was talking about breastfeeding. Her post brought back so many memories!!

With my first girl, I knew I wanted to breastfeed, but I never thought I would breastfeed for that long. My aunt breastfed for about 3 months with each of her two girls and I figured I would probably do the same, and I would supplement with formula so that she would get used to having formula for when I quit breastfeeding. Along came my little girl. It took me a few times to get it right (I even had a lactation consultant in the hospital help me - trust me, it's not always as easy as it looks) but we were doing fine. I supplemented with formula and everything was going fine until she was about 2 1/2 months old. She got sick and could hardly keep anything down. The formula she spit up right away, the breastmilk, she kept down better. So that was it. The formula was OUT the door! From then on I exclusively breastfed her.

Once you get used to it, breastfeeding is the most wonderful thing between a mom and her child, and it's so easy! Nothing to prepare, just whip it out and feed her.

Soon came the teeth. I had heard all these stories and so I was waiting for the OUCH!! to come along. She did nip once or twice, but she soon learned that if she wanted it, she better not bite. My first one was a marathon breastfeeder. She would go for a 1/2 hour or more.

When it came time to wean her, it was a slow process. When she was a year old, I had the breastfeeding sessions on a more structured timeline. That way, slowly I could cut them out one at a time. The last one to stop was that one in the middle of the night. Hey, that was my secret weapon to her getting back to sleep and me not having to be up all night long (not that that mattered, she was a night owl from the beginning). It was definitely sad when I quit breastfeeding her, at least for me, at 18 months. Good thing was that I didn't get my period until she was a year old when I started cutting back!

Along comes my 2nd and last child. Now, this time, I was going to breastfeed her exclusively from the start, and if she kept breastfeeding until she was 2, that was fine by me (and by that time, they aren't clamoring for the boob all day long, it's usually only at night time). Well, she came early. Six weeks early, and so when I gave birth to her, I could hold her for a minute, but then they had to take her away to NICU to be examined and taken care of since she was early. I missed out on having her breastfeed right there after she was born. I made it crystal clear though when she was in NICU. No formula. Only my breastmilk. They gave me a pump and I religiously pumped every 3 hours to get the colostrum for her and my milk going. She finally got to have it after a few days and once she got used to it, taking it from a bottle, I got to try breastfeeding her. Well, you would think that since I did it before with my oldest that I would have it down pat. Yea, no such luck. I had to have the lactation consultant come in again to help me with her. Hey, it had been 5 years since I breastfed.......

So we get home. Breastfeeding is going good, although let me tell you one thing. Breastfeeding every 3 hours when they are newborns? BWAHAHAHAHAA!!! Yea, that's a good one, try every hour or so! I had never been SO incredibly sleep deprived in my life! There was a time I broke down and cried in my husband's arms because I was so tired! But I also was determined. No formula. My breastmilk was the best.

**************Note: Not to say that formula isn't good for babies, obviously it is for women who cannot or don't care to breastfeed. I don't want to start a breastmilk/formula war here....

They say to give it six weeks to get things going. That's about right. It's more like at least 2 months though for me though. Also, they'll go through growth spurts at times and want to nurse more, and that's just nature's way of increasing your milk supply.

Now my 2nd one? She liked to bite and nip. And she would do it a lot!! She was awnry from the start! She also liked to look around, but wanted to keep nursing while she was doing it, so she would try and take "me" with her while turning her head. Then she'd look at me and smile. Awnry little cuss! I breastfed her too until she was 18 months old (like I said those last couple of months are just once a day, at night), but I was fine quitting when I did, this time. My boobs wasn't being bit or pulled at anymore.

*Downside of breastfeeding:

You certainly can't go out by yourself for very long at first, unless you have a stash of breastmilk in your freezer, and that's only if the baby will take it from a bottle. Oh, and if you're away from her and you think about her? You'll start leaking for sure!

Clogged milk ducts. Holy shit, they hurt! You'll squeeze your boob in every possible direction just to get that thing unclogged!!

When/If they do bite you, damn, it hurts.

Wearing nursing pads. Hey, let's face it, unless you're wearing a good thick shirt and thick bra, they show through.

Leaking if you don't wear nursing pads. Not fun.

Establishing the milk supply that first six weeks and having no sleep? Yea, not fun either.

*Upside of breastfeeding:

Squirting your husband from across the room.

Not having to prepare formula.

The unbelievable bond you form with your baby while nursing.

It delays your period from coming back. Definite plus!

You can eat just about anything you want and you won't gain weight. It's true!

"Sorry hon, I'm breastfeeding, can you get that?"

Dr. Doolittle?

Within the past year, our household has gone from ZERO pets to 14!!! Okay, now granted, 11 of those are fish, but still.......

Last year for my eldest daughter's birthday, she wanted a hamster. Thus started pet number one.

This year for my youngest daughter's birthday, she wanted a fish tank. Then came number, 2, 3, 4 & 5.

A couple of weeks later, at my work, I acquired a kitten from the whore momma cat in the back of our office. That's #6...

***Story about why she's called the Whore Cat......... This cat is your basic alley cat. My boss found her one day just about dead and gave it some food to keep it alive. Well, she's alive and well now and since hanging around the back of our office, she's had about 3 litters. Now, the reason she's called the whore cat is because she goes looking for it when she's in heat. It's not like she waits for her "suitors", or is getting "attacked" by the male cats, because there are places behind our office where she could hide and not have to worry about the male cats. So we know she goes out looking for it, hence the "Whore Cat" nickname.

Then, a few weeks after that, my aunt tells me she's moving across country and didn't really feel like she could take their dog. So I offered to take him for her. Now we have #7.

So you say, okay, that's 7, where's the other 7? Yea..... A couple of the Molly fish that we got ended up having a shit load of baby fish. We think they may have been pregnant when we got them, as they had their babies about a month later. So now, after the baby fish were "weeded out" by the other fish, 7 baby fish have survived over a month and a half now...

So here I am, in a 1200 sq. ft. house with 14 animals, 12 of which are contained in a cage or tank, thank goodness!!!

Our dog? A German Shepard, who is a very nice dog, but definitely has a bark that would scare people.

Our cat? Well, she's inherited her alley cat "toughness" from her momma. Word to the wise, if you ever come in our house, wear shoes or socks, otherwise she'll attack your feet. Okay, granted, she still is a kitten, but she's got a bite that'll make you yelp!

We've got our own security here people.....if they get past the dog with his loud bark, watch out for the cat...............

Love Thursday - Love In the 1940's

Okay, I'm going back again in time to the 1940's. I can't help it. My grandma has such amazing pictures that just show love, I have to display them.

This one is of my grandma and my grandpa John in 1945 in San Francisco, CA:



You can tell they were just having the time of their lives. And what better way to show how much they love each other than by posing in front of a silly cutout. :)

What a story they had......

My grandma and her little sister went to live with her Aunt Edie after their mom died. (Back then, I guess it wasn't right for a father to raise his daughters without a female presence around). But they got to come back every summer to be with their dad. Well, one summer, upon coming back, after finishing high school, she met John. The next summer after coming to visit with her dad, her and John were deeply in love and eloped because they knew Aunt Edie wouldn't approve.

Shortly after they got married and my grandma got her period, my grandpa John said that he would go to the market to get her the stuff she needed and when the bag boy asked if he wanted a bag, he said no, and proudly displayed it when walking back home so the whole town could see that she had her period and that NO, they didn't elope because she was pregnant. LOL!! I have letters that my grandma wrote to him, that he saved, when he was traveling out to California from South Dakota so that he could find better work so they could have a better life. I would have loved to have met him, but sadly he passed away when my mom was a teenager.

Memories - Coming Home

My husband will be coming home very soon, after being out to sea for 5 weeks. We are all very excited to see him. He's on his 3rd tour (not in a row, mind you) of sea duty, which mean he'll be going in and out to sea for about 3 years.

Which brings me back to the first time he came back from being out to sea for six months.

We had gotten married a week before he left for his six month deployment (no, I was not pregnant), and so, as you can imagine, I was very excited for him to come back!

Back then, there were only men on the ship, so as the carrier was pulling into port, it was playing "They Boys Are Back In Town" by Thin Lizzy.

The sailors were up on the flight deck manning the rails.

I'm on the pier, trying to scan every single man up on that flight deck, hoping I can see him. Yea, unless you have a good set of binoculars, it's like looking for a needle in a haystack.

My in-laws were there with me, along with his aunts and uncles too, waiting with anticpation to greet him again. I just wanted my husband home. I wanted to hug him, to kiss him, to take him back to our apartment I had gotten for us while he was deployed.

Finally, the carrier docks.

Then it takes a good 1/2 hour or so for them to get the stairs ready so the men can come off the ship.

Now let me tell you something about how they let them off the ship. The men who's wives had babies while they were deployed get to get off first, along with the senior staff of the ship. Back then, my husband was pretty far down low on the pay grade scale, considering he had just joined, so it was going to be a while.

While searching for him, I saw a friend of ours who had already gotten off (he was one of the new daddies) and asked him, "Where is he?" And he said he had seen him back a little ways.

So I go walking back to where my in-laws where and then all of the sudden, my husband comes up from behind me and grabs me. I screamed so loud! He swung me around and then we were hugging and kissing and crying because we were so happy to see each other!

My husband's dad was able to get us in mid-hug........




Awwwww.........




That was over 13 years ago.



Sometime next year we'll do this long deployment again for the sixth time.

Just A Little Weird Thing....

Cutting yourself shaving hurts. It's that annoying sharp pain, and you're like, Damn!

Okay, it hurts even worse when you do it on your underarms! I swear, in the twenty-some odd years I've been shaving I don't ever remember cutting myself shaving my armpits!!

Just one of those weird things to share.....

Love Thursday......YUMMY!

Chocolate Chip Cookies.............Yummy!!!!!

Memories Monday - Sharing A Room

My eldest has her own room. She's always had her own room. Even when my youngest was born and we lived in a two bedroom place, she still had her own room because the baby was in our room and we bought a house when she was 3 months, so she still got to have her own room.

I remind her of that constantly. That she's lucky to have her own room. We're in the process of "re-doing" her room, because she saw a friend of her's room and now she wants to change it. Well, because she can be flighty like that, I told her that we're not painting her room. I'll just do accessories, and only ones I can find on sale too.

Anyway, that brings me to me. Growing up I did have my own room.....that is until I was 6 and my first younger sister was born. Then, 4 years later, my youngest sister was born and then I had to share a room with TWO sisters!

(a bit of history here......my mom was a single mom with ROTTEN luck in men, and raised her 3 girls by herself, we grew up in a one bedroom duplex. My mom slept on the hide-a-bed in the living room)

There was a point when I was in 5th grade or so, and I wanted my own room SOOO bad, that my mom (bless her heart) converted our dining room part of the kitchen into a little bedroom for me (I think she put the dining room table in the living room?). But that didn't last long, I didn't like being in there.

Come junior high and high school, my youngest sister is getting older, getting too big for the crib, so my mom has to come up with a different solution for the 3 of us in that room. So we kept the trundle bed we had (for my youngest sister) and got me and my younger sister bunkbeds. I was actually SO excited to get these bunkbeds! It had a dresser and even a little closet too. I finally go to have something that was all MINE in that room. I got the closet. I was hoping to get all of the dresser drawers in the dresser too, but my sister got to have two of them.

I, of course, got the top bunk. I loved it. It was my own little haven. My mom put a shelf up there on the wall for "my stuff". I put my posters up there. I had Spandau Ballet, Duran Duran, Madonna posters up there and many more.

When you have to share a room with siblings, it just is SO nice to have your own "nook" of the room all to yourself.

I was ALWAYS jealous of my friends, because they all had their own rooms. They also were all only children too, so they didn't even have to worry about sharing a room. One of my friends even had a 1/2 bath attached to her bedroom, which made me even MORE envious!

But you know what? If any of them thought any different of me, they sure didn't show it. They didn't mind coming over to my house to my room. My mom was good though about letting me have the room to myself sometimes when I had friends over, she knew it was special for me. Plus my mom was a "cool" mom too.

I did finally get my own room, when I moved out on my own! LOL!! But you know what? I didn't even care to be in it all that much! When I moved out, I had no bedroom furniture at all! My mom let me take this closet thingy that had wire baskets and that was my dresser. A plastic table was my nightstand, and I bought a mattress from my mom's neighbor for $25.

Eventually, when I moved in with another friend a year later, things got better. I bought a dresser and nightstand from a friend of mine. I was in HEAVEN with the dresser and nightstand! FINALLY! I had my OWN! And it was a real dresser and nightstand, not a converted one. An older sister of mine gave me her queen sized bed, with a frame for the mattress too! No more mattress on the floor! I did enjoy being in my room then.

Now I don't have my own room, but I sure don't mind it at all. I'd much rather share my bedroom with hubby than have one all to myself. :)

Love Thursday of a New Sister

My oldest was SO excited to have a baby sister! When I was delivering her baby sister, she was outside the waiting room and was such a ball of excitement, she could hardly contain herself.

Here they are together and you can see how happy my eldest is to have her sister and how much she loves her.

You can read and see more Love Thursday posts here at Love Is All Around and Chookooloonks

Memories of Me Monday

My youngest can talk a person's ear off if she knows them well enough. She will talk and talk and talk and talk. Which reminds me of something my grandma said to me once. She told me that I used to talk and talk like that when I was little. We would be shopping, or standing in line and I would just talk non-stop. Of course I don't remember that, since I was so little. But I do have "semi" proof of it. On my 1st grade report card, the teacher made a notation that I was very talkative in class. Not so much talkative as to interrupt class constantly, but very vocal in answering questions, asking questions, etc.

All of that changed though, when I got into 2nd grade. See, we moved and I had to go to a different school. New school, new people, new teacher.....I suddenly became shy.

And I think I was that way for a long time. Of course when I was around my friends, I wasn't shy at all. In fact, when we all started liking boys in junior high and high school, I would be the first one to go tell the boy that so and so liked them (ONLY if they asked me to do that).

In high school, I don't think I would consider myself shy, I mean I would talk to people and such, but when it came to talking to a boy I liked, forget about it! I would NOT make the first move. Even if he made the first move and talked to me, I still would have trouble making conversation at first.

It wasn't until I got out of high school and worked at Contempo Casuals (remember that store?), and I was the cashier, so I HAD to talk to the customers. I still was never Chatty Cathy, by any means, but it definitely helped me!

Also, when I moved out on my own with my friend, we had guy neighbors downstairs from us, and I became friends with them and being around guys more, helped me to talk to guys a lot more.

And so then came the night that I met my future husband. I certainly didn't know it at the time though. I actually initiated the conversation with him.

I've come a long way baby!

Love Thursday, Back to the 1940's

This picture was taken circa 1940.

That's my great-grandpa Owen on the far left. My grandpa John is right next to him cracking up, and his two brothers are next to him, Ken and Newt.

I love this picture SO MUCH! Even though my grandpa Owen has, what looks like, a solemn look on his face, it's actually a "I'm a proud dad and look at my three handsome sons next to me". He LOVED his children SO incredibly much! And you can tell his three sons are having the time of their lives.

I'm still researching, by talking to family, as to why the picture was taken. Even if I don't find out, I still love it.

And what a better picture to represent the 1940's, eh? Four men in suits, hats and smoking cigars!

Nothing says love better than family being together enjoying themselves.

Happy Birthday Mom!

Today would have been my mom's 63rd birthday.

In honor of her, I am making the tacos she used to make for us when we were growing up.

I make these tacos only once a year, October 11th.

I love you and I miss you terribly Mom!!!!

Kiss The Girls And Kick The Cat.....

That has been my husband's "sign off" in his latest e-mails.

He's out to sea right now and so the only way we can communicate is via e-mails. But thank goodness for e-mail!!! When we first got married, he left a week later for six months. Other than calling me when he got into a port, the only other way we communicated was through regular snail mail. Sometimes it would be weeks before I received a letter and then I would get like ten of them all at once, and sometimes they were out of order too.

Nowadays we can talk to each other via e-mail and carry on conversations to the point of almost instant messaging. I can send him pictures, short movies of the girls, etc.

Gotta love technology!!!!

Oh, and as for the "kick the cat" part, well, let's just say we have a wild cat. We've nicknamed her the "Vampire Cat". She's only a kitten still, born around July 1st, but we'll be walking down the hallway and she'll come up behind us and start attacking our feet and legs! WHILE we're walking!! It's a rare moment that she'll let us just hold and pet her. She lets me hold her more than she'll let anyone else though. We can't even let her in the bedroom at night because we'll get no sleep! She'll just attack at will, if she's awake.

Oh, that reminds me, I need to stock up on bandaids.........

It's a Love Thursday Again!

This picture was taken when my eldest was almost 4 years old. My mom had come down to visit. They were on the back patio playing and I was inside. I saw them sitting there, leaning against the back patio door and I just had to take this picture.

My mom just LOVED to watch her granddaughters. She loved to sit and talk with them, listen to them and just enjoy them. She didn’t have to take them on special trips, buy them special presents, she was just there.

My mom and my eldest had SUCH a special relationship between them. Even though it’s been almost two years since my mom passed away, it’s still hard on her. And me too……

I framed this picture and gave it to my mom for a present one year. It’s now in my eldest’s bedroom.

What A Day!!!!

I'm telling you, my youngest had better adjust to Daddy being gone soon!!! It is SOOO trying for me!!

I am trying to be as patient and understanding as possible, but still, she's got to listen!

Okay, yea, so I am PMSing, so what! So maybe it's making me a little bit more short tempered than normal. Too bad! Bite me baby!

So watch, she adjusts about a week before he returns from being out to sea. Then she has to adjust all over again when he's home? I sure hope not!!

Is it bedtime yet?

The Baking Torch Has Been Passed Down....

My eldest asked if she could bake some chocolate chip cookies all by herself today.

She has helped me in the past, but has never used the mixer. But I thought, hey, why not?

So I allowed her. She's almost done with her cookies and she has done a fabulous job! She followed the recipe, used the mixer just fine and is even using the oven by herself too! Of course I am here to supervise, no way is she allowed to use it without me being here.

But I am SO proud of her!!! I have always loved baking, whether it's cookies or cakes. I'm so glad she likes doing it too!

So it looks like I won't be getting to bake cookies that often anymore! Not that I did it that much anyway, but I have a feeling that everytime I do need to make them, she'll want to. It's okay. I know my mom let me do it when I wanted to as well. :)

At least I got to make bread by myself today. :D

Another Update on ME

It's Saturday.

It's now been a week and a good week at that! There was only one major instance that I can think of where I got very emotional, and that's when our dog put a claw mark or two on the front door. See, we just got this dog. He was my aunt's, but she is moving to Kentucky :::::Sniff, sniff::::::::, and had to give him up. We offered to take him. He REALLY is a good dog, but he's a people dog. The dog won't even go outside to pee unless someone is outside with him. He much rather likes being inside with everyone. So when we are gone, we still leave him inside because he has gone through two screen doors out back. I mean he will literally take the screen door DOWN! So I talked to hubby about it that day and I was so worried that he was going to get mad at me, if for some reason, it didn't work out. He told me that my mental health was FAR more important than a pet. Gotta love this man!!!! So now we're just taking it day by day with doggie and we'll see. If he continues to claw at the door (hey, we DO eventually need a new door anyway, the guy who put it up before we bought this house shaved too much off the door and there are some "heat escaping, a/c escaping" gaps between the door and the jam), we'll put him outside and if he can't handle being outside without ruining doors, he'll have to be put on a chain while we're gone. I really don't want to do that, and that will be the last resort. So I do hope that he gets better about being inside. If there's a reason that I would have to be gone ALL day, obviously I'd have to put him outside.

Also, hubby left ::::sniff, sniff::::::::::::.

He'll be gone a month. (He's in the Navy) We are definitely missing him already! But I'm taking it one day at a time, because if I really think about how long he'll be gone, I think I will have a big anxiety attack. My preschooler had a hard time with it yesterday. She cried when I left her at preschool, cried just before I picked her up and was VERY antsy about going to bed last night. She can be a very emotional child. (Hmmmmmmm.......wonder where she gets THAT from???) So I'm just plugging along every day, doing the norm....

I was very productive yesterday, paid bills, balanced checkbook, went to Costco, etc.

It's the start of a busy weekend! My eldest has a soccer game today and then we have errands to run and I have to sweep and vaccuum this house before the dog hair takes it over! Oh, and I need a new vaccuum bad. I don't think mine can take it much longer. Poor vaccuum, it's been so good to me too........

So as you can tell by my post, I am doing MUCH better! Have settled into my meds just fine now, I'm sleeping better (part in thanks to some Benadryl), and I seem to "feel" ME most of the time again too.

Which is a good thing. I missed me.

Love Thursday

Here is a picture of a man who time and time again makes me realize what a truly lucky woman I am.....

On The Mend....

Sigh.....

What an exhausting time these last 3 weeks have been.

Panic Attacks every day.....

Trying different meds here and there.......

Not fun.......

At least now I'm back on what I was on before the Panic/Anxiety Attacks happened. Back on the Buspar.

Just a higher dose.....

Psychiatrist says to stick with what my body has tolerated in the past......

Now just need to see a psychiatrist to monitor meds and a psychologist to monitor my psyche!

Actually I have seen a psychologist. Saw him on Thursday.

What an AMAZING amount of questions he asked. Some were so personal!! But, you know what? I'll answer them if they are going to help me get better and get over this.

A couple of people have asked if maybe this is a delayed reaction to my mom's death. I think it quite possibly could be.

Psychologist wants to make sure I don't lean towards agoraphobia more than I started to. He wants me to push through it, if I have a panic attack, don't freeze up. Go places. Push through it.

I got my first dose of that on Thursday after I saw him.

Had to pick up my daughter from school.

Hadn't picked her up in over a week when I think I had had a panic attack picking her up one day.

I literally cried on the phone to my friend and my boss driving around to make it to her school. How crazy is that? Those internal fears can just literally stop you in your tracks. Make you scared of something that is something you normally do every day! Scary shit, I tell you!

But I did it! I pushed through. I remembered things my doctor told me. It helped. Boy did it help.

I was given Ambien to help me sleep, but on Friday night when I was going to take it, I got so afraid that I was going to be so groggy the next day (drowsy medications seem to have a much deeper effect on me) that I decided not to take it. I don't want to be dependent on something to help me sleep. Another thing I need to push through.

I talked to my aunt yesterday and she was telling me how strong she always thought I was. Well, yea, when I have to be the strong one, I usually am. But maybe it was being too strong too much that made me not be able to. Maybe because my mom always was there for me that helped me to be strong. I don't know. I just started therapy, so I don't have all the answers and I don't want to analyze it too much right now.

One day at a time.

One step at a time.

That's what I need to focus on.

Keep moving.

Keep doing what I've normally done.

Don't sit and think and analyze my psyche. That's what the psychologist is there for. He can do it for me. He can tell me what's wrong. He can help me to fix it.

I've got my friends and family that I can talk to and lean on for support. It's my turn to get the support. And that's what I'm going to do.

Update on New Meds

Well, shortly after posting the previous post, I got incredibly drowsy. So drowsy in fact that I was on the couch most of the day! The only time I wasn't on the couch was when a friend of mine took me to the ER, because the nurse's line suggested that I go, because she was worried that I was too drowsy.

So the doctors think it could be a combination of the Valium (hello, I took 1.25 mg, I'm such a wuss!) and the Paxil. So they told me to cut the Paxil in 1/2 and take 2.5 mg of that at night and 2.5 mg in the morning, and NO Valium.

I sure hope this works! I'm getting sick of either being too doped up or having too much anxiety! Not a good thing for my family or my household!

It's now been 12 hours since I took the last Paxil and I'm STILL feeling dopey and drugged! Good god man, I sure can't tolerate this shit!

New Meds

Went back to the doctor yesterday to talk about getting on new medication for the anxiety attacks. I was having them every day for the past few days and I didn't think the Buspar was working all that well. I had talked to a friend of mine who suggested I get on Paxil, but the time-released pill. She said it did wonders for her.

So off I went to the doctor to talk to her about it. As luck would have it (which is a weird thing to say), I was right in the middle of an anxiety attack. I was able to describe to her EVERYTHING that was happening to me at that moment. It's weird to say, because even though I didn't WANT to be having an anxiety attack, because it was happening, I was able to more accurately describe my symptoms. Sometimes when you've had something happen to you, it's not always easy to remember EVERYTHING, you know?

So she put me on Paxil. Unfortunately the Navy doesn't carry the time-released version (which is weird, because you think they would, you know?). So she put me on the lowest dose and had me cut THAT in 1/2 and take 1/2 in the morning and 1/2 at night. THEN!, she gave me some Valium too! She gave me the lowest dosage there (5 mg, I think) and had me cut that into QUARTERS! Plus she only wanted me to take that at night to help me get a good night's sleep for the first few days until the Paxil really kicks in.

I took the Paxil last night and I swear, I could feel it working within an hour. Now, maybe it was just my subconcious, like a placebo effect, doing it. Hey man, whateve works, I tell you. The Valium definitely made me groggy once I took it, but it didn't let me sleep all night long peacefully. Partly, in part, because my husband was home and he tends to toss and turn the first night he's back, and the fact that he had to get up early this morning to take my daughter to his ship for a "Friends and Family Day" cruise that's happening today. But the sleep I DID get was good, and when I woke up in the middle of the night I was constantly thinking and worrying about things. I started to do that this morning though, but it was almost time for the next dose of Paxil. Not sure how it's affecting me today. Not sure if I'm feeling a tiny bit drowsy, or if it's just because I'm a little tired from not getting a good night's sleep. I think it might be the Paxil though.

I have such a low tolerance for medication that can "make you drowsy". If it says it might, it usually does for me. Hopefully my body will work better with it the longer I take it, because it's not functionable for me to be drowsy during the day. Not when I have to take care of two kids and work and take care of the house, you know?

Friends, Old Boyfriends, Escrow & Sanity

A few friends of mine were talking to each other today, and we got on the subject of old boyfriends. (How, I can't even tell you because we'll be talking about something, and then sort of change the subject, but not really and then somehow we end up on something TOTALLY different!)

We have been friends since high school and so I will tell you that just about EVERYTHING gets talked about at one point or another during our conversations. It's amazing some of the topics that come up, everything from decorating tips to premature ejaculation (oh, not any of our men NOW, previous guy, thank goodness for that person now! LOL!!)

They all have had guys from their past come back to them, either wanting to reconnect, just say hi or "stalk". Damn, I felt left out of that conversation, because that's NEVER happened to me! I mean, I guess I should be happy about that, I don't ever have any "blast from the past" coming back into my life when I don't want it, but then geez, was I THAT unimportant to all of them? Was I not that appealing? Did I scare the hell out of them? Hmmmmmm.......kind of makes me wonder.....

Of course hubby is sure mighty happy that that never HAS happened with me, because then he'd have to beat someone up, just because they were associated with me before him. Yes, yes, he does know I had a life before him, but to him, it just doesn't exist anymore. At least when it comes to the male population.

Escrow.............Escrow closed on my mom's house today. It's official. After 56 years of that house being in our family, it's now no longer a part of our life. I am hoping that when I go up there to visit family, that the new owners will let me see what they've done with the place.

Sanity............I think I am finally getting "ME" back. Today was a really good day. Switched meds last night and so I slept better, woke up NOT feeling stoned, was able to exercise, I'm coming back! Had to deal with a little anxiety today at one point, but I did really good with it. I'm even really thinking about going up to San Francisco next month to meet hubby in port! Now, if you know me, that's something I don't do. My excuse is always "We can't afford it", "We need to watch our money" "The girls are in school", etc.........

Well, since we closed escrow on the house and we will have the money for us to go up and meet him, I want to do it. I KNOW my mom would say, "GO! Go enjoy yourself! You deserve it!" So that's what I want to do.

Losing it.....

Sigh.......

What a week this has been for me!!

Yea, you know how in my last post I had such a nice relaxing day? Well, it all went downhill from there.

Shortly after dinner on that night I was invaded by ants on my kitchen counter. Let me just say that me and ants? Nu-uh. We don't mesh well. I kill ants. I admit it. I'm an ant killer.

So after about an hour of getting rid of them, finding out where they came from, caulking up the area so they couldn't get out, (Have caulk gun, will travel) sending a curse-filled email to my husband (who called me afterwards because he couldn't even think of anything to write back), I was okay. Or at least I thought I was......

Come Tuesday evening......

I'm just sitting on the couch, after dinner, thought I was taking it easy, but then I started having an uneasy feeling. I thought I was getting heartburn, so I took 2 Rolaids to help. Well, it didn't help. Took my blood pressure, it was up. Not good. Heartrate was up as well. Called the after hours help line. Talked to a doctor. Doctor thought I should go to the ER to get it checked out JUST TO MAKE SURE.....

Well, hubby had had NO sleep in the past 36 hours so I really felt he needed to get some sleep (he was already asleep by the time I had this and needed to go to the ER). So I called my friend to come and get me and the girls.

So we trekked down the ER all together, all the time I'm freaking out inside because I think I'm having a fucking heart attack, or something related to my heart. I have a family history on my father's side of heart disease.

Get down to the ER. Well, it was PACKED!! BUT.....when you tell a doctor or a nurse that you are having chest discomfort, you basically are shot to the front of the line. So in I went and got hooked up to monitors to do an EKG. The damn thing takes longer to set up than actually run the test! Did the EKG...................NO HEART ATTACK! Oh my goodness, thank the lord for that!!!!

Still.........

So I had to go back into the waiting room, back to the end of the line......

Okay, I was not having my friend wait around for me, while she had my girls. I asked her if she could take them to her house so they could all get some sleep. She agreed. What a friend, I tell you!! She's awesome. Actually all my friends are awesome, because I know they'd all do that for me. Do I know how to pick them or what?

So, got to wait around for about 2 hours or so (got to watch some TV inbetween dozing off in the chair) until they called me in. Got me in a bed, took blood and vitals and hooked me up to a machine to monitor me. Asked me lots of questions, and then basically left me alone for an hour or so. At that point I did doze off for a while. When they came back, they said that everything with my heart looked really good, so they seriously doubted it had anything to do with my heart. They basically think I just had really bad heartburn that was caused partly by anxiety and stress.

Anxiety and stress.......

Well, there you go. That I've had a lot of lately. And here I thought I was doing well this past week with hubby gone. Apparently not!

So it got me thinking......I know a lot of it has to do with the fact that my mom's not around anymore. I don't have her to call when he's out to sea. I KNOW I'm freaking out about what could go wrong with the house while he's gone. Stress............anxiety..........and all that shit that goes with it.............

So they discharge me with some heartburn medication and then the doctor asks me if I'd like some Xanax. Um, okay.....that could probably help.......I was taking Buspar, but I guess that's not working anymore! (I stress about things, I worry a lot, I suffer from anxiety, I freely admit it)

Hubby comes to get me at the ER around 3:00 a.m. or so and we go home. Set the alarm to wake up at 6:30 so I can get my girls from my friend and get them off to school. Oh, and then my youngest starts crying at preschool because she doesn't want me to leave. I just want to go back home and sleep. I'm exhausted by this point. The teachers finally have to pry her away from me so I can leave (just about broke my heart though!) I called the school later though and they said she quit crying VERY shortly after that. Thank goodness!

Had hubby go get the youngest at preschool so I could sleep some more. Then I had my friend bring my eldest home from school so I could still relax some more.

Wednesday night.......took my first Xanax......

Thursday morning.............was a TOTAL ZOMBIE when I woke up! I could barely function!!! I was supposed to take my eldest and her friend to school, but there was no way I could drive! So my friend got them both and took them. I laid on the couch, gave my youngest a variety of foods to eat so I could doze off and it wasn't until about 11 a.m. or so that it started wearing off. Ummm.....okay, not taking THAT again! Or at least that much! Talked to the nurses line and they told me I could take a 1/2 dose. Okay, I'll do that, AT NIGHT! The doc originally had prescribed it for THREE TIMES A DAY! Um, okay, yea, can't do that and function with two children! Maybe if I were single, had no job and could stay in my house all day I could do that, but I don't think so......

Thursday night......took a 1/2 pill.....

Friday morning......woke up feeling stoned! Okay, apparently 1/2 pill isn't working that well either! But at least I was able to function for the most part.

Emailed with a friend of mine who told me to take the pill earlier in the evening and then by morning the effects should wear off.

Friday night......took the 1/2 pill again, but earlier.....went to bed around 9:30, woke up around 8:00 a.m. this morning....

Did not feel stoned. YEA! But still felt a tiny woozy. Okay, that does it, I'm cutting the pill in 1/2 again.......I see the doctor on Monday, so I should be good until then. Then I'm having doc give me something else. NOT Xanax. I do want to stop taking it, because I don't like the effects, but I know that I still have the uneasy feeling all week, partly from the anxiety attack, and worrying that it's going to happen again, and I need something to help me ease that feeling.

Plus the fact that when I was in the ER, they took a portable chest x-ray and then called me on Wednesday to tell me that when the radiologist looked at it, he thought he saw what MAY be a spot. A spot?! SHIT! So I went in on Thursday, got a two view chest x-ray done. I asked, "When will I get the results?" They tell me, "Well, you need to make a follow-up with your doctor." Shit.......

So that's mainly where the Monday doctor visit comes in. To get the results.

I ask the technician, "But what if there's something really wrong with it? Will they let me know before that?"

They tell me, "Oh, if there's something wrong, they'll contact your doctor, who in turn, will call you." Great. More waiting.

But the nurse did tell me that I shouldn't worry. My first x-ray was on a PORTABLE one, AND I was laying down. They couldn't get a good full view of my chest (which is semi-large), and who knows what was on or under that bed. Did make me feel better.....

But it's now Saturday morning, so it's been almost 48 hours since I got that chest x-ray and I have heard NOTHING. I'm taking that as a REALLY good sign. Plus given the fact that all my blood work came back great, not hinting of anything, I'm taking that as a good sign. I have to. If I keep worrying about it, I'm going to lose it again, and have to be placed on the Xanax 3 times a day to keep me in a zombie state so I don't think about it.

But yesterday was a really good day, in the afternoon. I took my eldest shopping for her birthday, and I felt better than I had in the previous days. So I think I'm coming to the end of the tunnel for now.

Busy day today though.....my eldest has a soccer game, then she's having two friends to spend the night over and we're going bowling. So I'll be busy, but not stressful. And that's a good thing.......

A Mostly Labor "Free" Day

Today was a pretty nice day today! For the most part, it was actually relaxing for me, which is something I felt I really haven't had in quite a while.

Last week was the first week of school, so major hectic going on there. Plus it was the first week that hubby went out to sea (he's home now for a week or so), so I was on my own, and it was the first week he was out to sea, that I didn't have my mom to call and take care of me (even if it was just hearing her voice, and having her listen to me ramble). Let's just say last week wasn't the best for me.

Today was nice. Actually, last night was nice too. I went over to my friend, Lynda's house where we gathered to have a going away party for our friend, Nancy, who is moving across country. :( We all used to get together and scrapbook a lot, and now it's not so much, but when we do get together we have a blast. It's my "getaway time", where I don't have to be a mom, I can cuss all I want and not have worry if my children heard me, it's just being with friends. Because let me tell you, everyone needs to have time away from their children. To not to have to take care of someone all the time, to rejuvenate, to preserve your sanity. Even when I get to be alone with hubby, that helps too, but we don't get to do that as often, but we need to make more time for it. We were going to have our "date" next month when we went to my reunion, but he'll be out to sea for that, so we can't have that. :( Having two kids, on a tight budget and not being able to go out just the two of us can suck. ::::::::::::::stupid gas prices and everything else raising their prices::::::::::::::::::::::::::

So anyway, back to today. Took the girls shopping with me in the morning, and for the most part they were pretty good. Then we went to Lynda's house to go swimming. LOVE, LOVE your pool Lynda!! That was SO nice and relaxing! Being out in the hot sun, but being in a pool to cool you off and to relax. That is what I needed. That is what I would LOVE to have here at our house! A pool. Damn, wouldn't that be nice? Well, maybe someday.

So I'm back at home, back to the grind, making dinner, then it's back to the old routine. Get the girls bathed, get lunches ready for tomorrow, get them to bed, maybe have an hour to myself, and then off to bed for me. And tomorrow, back to the reality of life............

A Slave To Fashion

......whatever fashion that may be.

My preteen came to me tonight and said, "How come everytime I think I've got the "hip" style, and then I go back to school, and everyone's wearing something different?"

Sigh.....................

Not that I'm sighing because of "oh geez, come on now", but it's because I've been there. Oh so many times!

SOOOO many fashion trends happened when I was growing up. The dittos in every color, the designer jeans, the 501 levis with the polo shirts. The bermuda shorts (which apparently are back in fashion?), the "flashdance look" (which my mom liked, because it was CHEAP!, The GUESS look, etc.

Thank goodness I never wore the "leggings under the mini skirt", although my sisters did. And apparently THAT'S back in fashion too! Come on people, can you NOT find anything NEW? Oh, and the skulls on things too! SOOOOO Melrose Avenue back in the 80's! My preteen wants to get a pair of slip-on Vans with those in pink. OH......MY..........GOD.......... Slip on Vans???!!!! That was SOOOOOO Fast Times At Ridgement High!! So now I need to go talk to her principal and see if the "skulls" are allowed at school (you never know nowadays, with the rules the schools have.

My preteen said she wishes she could find a "fashon trend" that everyone else would like and catch on to, as well. Yes, I know that feeling..........

I remember it all too well. I was lucky if I had one "COOL" outfit. (I did actually have more, a few, but certainly not as many as all my friends had) My mom was a single parent. She worked to support THREE girls. There wasn't much left over. When Christmas and birthdays came, she would let the family know what "type" of clothes I wanted. One year when the "designer jeans" phase was in, everyone got me one pair of jeans, so I would be able to have some like the rest of the crowd. That was awesome that they did that for me. Yea, of course the following year THAT phase was gone!

Okay my preteen ISN'T EVEN A TEENAGER YET and she's already going through this!! What, will my preschooler start doing this when she gets into 1st grade or something??? Shit!

I did tell my preteen though, before school started, that she shouldn't worry about getting too many clothes before school, because you never know what the "fashion trend" is going to be. And, apparently, I was right. Well, I knew about the leggings and skirt thing, but I had no idea about the bermuda shorts and slip on Vans! (Although I did see my 18 year old cousin wearing them, so I probably should have paid more attention to that)

The thing is, is that I'm not upset with my child about wanting the latest trends because I went through the same thing. I know what she's going through. But I did tell her that she needs to be comfortable in the style she's wearing too. She can't just wear something JUST because it's in style. If she doesn't like the way it looks (or I like the way it looks, more importantly), she shouldn't wear it.

Then she also asked me why can't we just go out and buy clothes wheneve we feel like it, like some of the other girls at school? Sigh......... Yes, it happened.......now have to deal with the "sorry honey, we just don't make THAT much money." If we go to a semi-expensive store (okay, because sorry honey, not shopping at Macy's, Nordstrom, or the like unless they're having an AWESOME clearance sale), it's the clearance racks. Or it's got to be on sale. What I would love to do though is go to L.A. and find some really cool hip clothing that no one else has worn yet, so Cheyenne could wear it. Maybe I should talk to some of my friends up there or my sister too, and see what they would pick out.

So anyone out there still have their 80's fashions they want to donate to my preteen in the meantime? I got rid of all my chunky beady necklaces and my gazillion bracelets. (Yes, I wore them all on one wrist like Madonna did in her early days. I could knock someone out if I hit them with that hand!) I do have a couple of pins though!

PRE.....

3 females in a house? Yea, you're bound to have a bevy of emotions going on. Especially when you've got a mom, who's husband is out to sea right now and doing this all alone, a pre-teen girl who can freak out if you even talk in a different tone of voice, and a preschooler who, let's face it, can be a tad spoiled sometimes, and I think already suffers from PMS.

This morning started out O...Kay......

I had to wake up the preteen. Oh yea, that's a feat in itself! She HAS an alarm clock! But the girl can sometimes just sleep right through it! Either that or she's just waits for it to stop beeping and goes back to sleep (I really think she inherited this from her daddy). So, if I'm in a decent mood, I'll do annoying little things to get her out of bed. For example.....this morning I just kept poking at her shoulder until she moved. Then I started talking about how she probably has to go to the bathroom REEEEEAAAAALLLL bad, and then would start tickling her stomach. Other times I'll pretend she's a puppet and make her mouth move and I would be her "ventriliquist" and make her say things. Other times I would try and wake her up with a sweet voice, give her butterfly kisses etc. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. When it doesn't, and I get impatient I pull the covers off her and drag her butt out of bed by her feet. A combination of just about everything happened this morning. She was having some "issues" with her hair being "just right", but at least it was minor (THANK THE LORD!)

The preschooler? I think it was a PMS day today. There are times when she'll just yell and scream about something, and you know what? It can literally be exhausting to me! It just drains the life out of me. Do I cave in? Sadly yes, sometimes I do. I just don't want to hear it! And I think she knows it. But I did REAL good this afternoon in the car. She wasn't listening to me, and I told her she was getting a time out when we got home. She kept on about "Noooooooo, Mommmy, I don't waaaaaaaaaant tooooooooooo" I stuck to my guns and when we got home, in her room she went. Of course now she's been in there for over a 1/2 hour. Her timeout is finished, but she's enjoying herself and being quiet in there, and sometimes really, that's what she needs.

Oh! And speaking of the preschooler today, we were at my work and she went and had her daily conversation with my boss. Guess what she talked out? Her day at preschool yesterday! I BARELY got anything out of her when I asked her yesterday, but today she just waltzes in to his office and divulged a bevy of information! I found out more from him that I did her! Geez!

And me, the premenopausal mom (I wonder if it may be coming in the next few years), I'm in a pissy mood because I think I'm going to probably be having to deal with a mom at the preteen's school that I am sick of dealing with (nothing like worrying about what's going to happen next, eh?). That and the preschooler who is emotional today, Oh, and the preteen too.......

So, back to this car ride home......the preschooler was in a tizzy, the preteen was trying to be bossy to the preschooler, and this PREmenopausal mom was saying to herself, "WHEN is he coming home????? You mean I have to deal with this for SIX months next year without him?" Damn, I'm going to have people on speed dial next year and probably offer to clean their houses if they'll take the kids for a while! (Actually, no, I probably wouldn't do that, because I hate cleaning, but I'll wash their cat for them!)

All I can say, is God help my husband when the 3 of us end up having our periods together! (Although hopefully when the preschooler gets old enough, I'll have gone through menopause, and not be IN it)

I am home ALONE!

Wow, I am home, here in my house, alone! (Well, the cat, the hamster and fish are here too).

Today is the first day of school for BOTH my girls!

Took the eldest to school, went to the classroom and the teacher wasn't letting any of the parents in (which is fine, my god, they're in sixth grade now, for goodness sake), but my little on sneaked inbetween the teacher and the door to say goodbye to her sister, so I had to go in to get her back.

Then it was off to my youngest's school. She's in preschool. Once she got there, all she cared about was going to play out back and play with the basketball. Oh, and she had to go potty too. Didn't cling onto me at all. None whatsoever. Barely gave me a look goodbye. I had to call her over so she would give me a kiss goodbye. Well, I guess that's a good thing though, right?

So now I am here at home. I don't have to leave this house for a couple of hours. So I should be cleaning my house up. What am I doing? Sitting here on the computer. Will I clean? Hmmmmmmm..............................maybe................I probably should.........................it's not good to procrastinate you know..................................we'll see...................................................

Summer Vacation is Winding Down......

.......and then things will be going full speed next week!

Both my girls start school next week. Yes, both of them. One will be in sixth grade, and my little one will be starting preschool, going 3 days a week. I'm so excited, yet, I know I'm going to be busy too!

My little one will still come to work with me about 1 1/2 days during the week, but that's now about 1/2 of what she used to do. Don't get me wrong, I actually DO love having her come to work with me. She has since day one. My boss bought me one of those Happy Camper bed things, so I could have a crib in my office for her. He had originally made the suggestion back when I was pregnant with my first child, but we were leaving the state not too long after she was born, so I had to quit then. But thankfully, I was able to come back to work for him once we came back here. So when I got pregnant with my little one, I told him I was taking him up on his offer he made those years back. She has been affectionately called the "Office Mascot" (I even got a gag gift at the last Christmas party, called "Jordan Spice"). I have a gate in my doorway so she can't just wander around the office, she has to stay in mine. But she loves my boss. Whenever she gets the chance, she'll go in his office and pull up a chair and sit next to him and tell him about her day. I think it's so wonderful and lucky for me that I have a boss like that.

So anyway, I will have one morning to myself, which is something I'll desperately need. My husband is in the Navy and will be shipping out soon. He'll be doing short little trips for now, but next year is the six monther. Sigh........ I really, really don't like them at all. I miss him. The girls will miss him. BUT, it's something we deal with. We just do. I married a Navy man. I married a Navy CAREER man. It's something that's been a part of my life for over 14 years now. And that day when we see him come off the ship and run and hug is SUCH a wonderful day!! Here's a picture of my oldest hugging him when he came off the ship a few years ago....

It just brought tears to my eyes when she ran up to him!!

I'll be mostly a single parent for a while now. So you can see why I'd be excited! While I love my children dearly, having them in school DEFINITELY helps me!

Then we'll also have soccer practice, games on Saturdays, school functions, etc........

Okay, maybe Summer Vacation isn't so bad.......

I have this friend who homeschools her 5 children. Yes, you heard me right, FIVE children. Her husband USED to be in the Navy and so there were times she had to do it alone too, with FIVE children. She has amazing strength, faith and endurance to do that by herself. Oh, I know she has a circle of friends and family too, but still she did the single parent thing for quite a while by herself. She's definitely someone I admire who can do that, and still be sane!

So I guess it's time to dust off that "Ubermom" hat and start wearing it again, and get back in the groove..........

Well, at least not for a couple more days............