Trying VERY Hard Here.....

4 years ago on December 19th, was probably the worst day in my life. That whole week was probably the worst week in my life.

When my mom died.

Christmas? Yea, not so much fun AT ALL.

But I vowed that I would not let her death ruin future Christmases for me, considering it IS my favorite holiday.

I LOVE decorating the house, both inside and out. I LOVE getting presents for people. I love MAKING presents for people. I love to see the look on their eyes, or hear it in their voice when I get them something that they wanted, or didn't expect or love.

I LOVE the whole month leading up to Christmas. I LOVE baking Christmas goodies. I love getting the Christmas cards out. I LOVE receiving Christmas cards and find out how loved ones are doing and what they did this year. I LOVE waking up Christmas morning and seeing the anticipation on my girls faces for when they can come out and see what Santa brought them.

I LOVE the ornament exchange that my email moms group does at this time and how we almost always end up having a crazy chat conversation on the computer and laughing.

I LOVE going to look at Christmas lights. I love how the house is so warm and toasty during this time (that is when it's not 85 degrees outside).

4 years ago, I couldn't wait for Christmas to be over. Instead of the excitement leading up to Christmas that last week, I was wishing it would be over as soon as possible. Oh, I tried my best to put up the best front I could that morning for my girls, trying to smile and be happy, but it just wasn't there. And it wasn't there for my sister. We were both faced with the wrapped presents that were under the tree for us from our mom. And the presents that were under there from us for our mom. We did get through it, with the help of hubby, who suggested we each other's presents that we had given to mom the night before, that way they wouldn't be sitting there Christmas morning.

This year circumstances are really testing my love for Christmas again.

Last week we had some heavy rains, and not that we haven't had heavier rains prior to this time, but this time we thought we had it all covered. A new roof, new rain gutters, we thought we were set.

Well, apparently the rain gutter guy didn't install the downspout in the proper positioning, because with as much water that came through the one downspout, it has seeped into the oldest's bedroom and totally ruined her carpet.

So the bonus I got for being Employee of the Year? Now has to pay for a new carpet. We have contacted the contractor who installed it and he, so far has said that he is not responsible for it.

He has yet to talk to me though.

I will be calling him in the next couple of days and try to get him to understand that he is responsible and should do the right thing and pay for it, to avoid going to small claims court.

So in the meantime, hubby has pulled up the carpet to get ready for the new carpet. The oldest did a fabulous job emptying her room for that. It's amazing the nooks and crannies I can find in this house to store her "room".

So he pulls up the carpet and what does he find? Linoleum. Linoleum??!! In a bedroom??!!! WTF?! But then we're thinking okay, maybe that's not such a bad thing. It probably protected the slab.

So hubby goes in there (after putting fans and heaters in there to dry it out) and finds the linoleum loose. So he starts pulling up a few of the tiles.

Yes, water under there!

So now he has to pull up the whole floor (carpet tacks around the edges and everything) so we can dry out the slab. Which pushes back the installation of the carpet by quite a few days.

Because you don't want to put new carpet on a damp slab or an seemingly dry slab, you've got to wait until a few days after that.

When did all of this start you ask?

December 18th & 19th.

The same time my mom had her stroke and died, 4 years ago.

So of course it's bringing back all the feelings of dread and doom and despair I had 4 years ago.

I'm fighting like hell to try and keep my spirits up and push forward to have a wonderful Christmas.

I told hubby last night that I don't want to know all the details anymore. Just let me know when the room will be ready for the carpet.

I want to be in denial on this one.

Guitar Hero Mania

Guitar Hero is one of the most wanted games this year it seems.

And at our house, it's no different.

Hubby and the eldest put it on their Christmas Wish Lists, and so this year I decided to surprise the family and I was able to get it for them for Christmas.

We all have been having a blast with the game, including me. Of course I suck the worst at it out of all of them, but it's fun and with practice I'm getting better.

Hubby just loves this game and loves doing it.

So then the eldest comes out and tries it and pretty much blows hubby away with it.

She's good.

And she loves it.
The youngest likes to try it too, but to her, it's more of just a play thing and wanting to try it because of the rest of us doing it too. Her fingers aren't long enough to really be able to do it. She does get a few notes correct though.

I think she would just rather "rock out" with the guitar. Here is a couple of pictures of her rocking out with it.

Post Christmas Stuff

Christmas is over.

Santa has left the building.

It's time to bring the totes out to start putting stuff away and get my house back to pre-Christmas decorations.

The after Christmas sales have begun.

The rude people dashing to get those good deals are back again. (do they HAVE to leave their cart in the middle of the aisle so no one can get through?)

2006 is coming to a close. (thank goodness, it's been a roller coaster year, I tell you)

I got my daughter's cold. ::::::::::::::sniff, sniff::::::::::::::::

My eldest just informed me she has a paper cut on her finger.

Time to start purging my house and donate to the Salvation Army to get that extra write off in before the year ends.

Time to get back on my "watching what I eat" and doing some serious workouts on a regular basis again.

I need to go looking for a new elliptical machine. (See above sentence)

:::::::::sniff::::::::sniff:::::::::::

I need to go lay down and get this damn cold out of my system.

My cat isn't in heat anymore.

I need to find a vet fast before she goes back in heat soon.

It was rather amusing to watch her though at times.

Did you know that there are people out there who actually use a q-tip to "help" with their cat in heat? (Ewwwwww, gross!!!!!)

Have to call an appraiser to come out here and appraise our house to get that fucking PMI taken off.

:::::::sniff::::::::::::

My head is hurting now because of this cold.

Tomorrow IS another day...........

Memories Monday - Merry Christmas!!

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all!!

Today's Memories Monday, is of course, memories of past Christmases.

We had a very nice Christmas morning this morning. My girls are enjoying their presents right now. Santa gave the eldest a stereo and the youngest an American Girl doll.

Pretty much every year, they have gotten what they've asked for from Santa. They know (well, the youngest doesn't realize it yet, but she's still impressionable) that not to ask for something TOO extravagant, so it's easier for them to get what they want from Santa. I didn't always get what I wanted, but that was because sometimes, it just wasn't possible.

I ALWAYS loved Christmas Eve growing up. All the aunts, uncles and cousins would come over on Christmas Eve and would have chili that my grandma or mom made. I never liked chili, so I would always have tortillas. Going to bed that night on Christmas Eve was so full of anticipation. I was SO excited for Christmas to come, to see what Santa brought. The kids always had to go sleep out in the den, away from the living room where Santa would bring the presents. I would fall asleep by the light of the Christmas trees, straining my ears to see if Santa was here yet.

I remember one year I got my red cassette player, which I loved (I think I was in 3rd or 4th grade), and I remember my aunt getting her yellow 8-track player.

When I was in 5th grade, I got a Barbie motorhome. I LOVED that thing!!! Sometime later that next year, I came across a picture of my aunt's boyfriend putting together that motorhome. That's when I knew. I really had had NO idea or any indication before that, about Santa. I truly believed. I actually was crushed! :(

That next year, in 6th grade, all I wanted was a Barbie dreamhouse. I didn't want anything else. I even told my mom I didn't want anything else, even from anybody else. Just the Barbie dreamhouse. When I woke up that next morning, I was truly hoping I would have it there. But alas, it wasn't there. I was crushed. I knew it was expensive, but I thought maybe, just maybe I could get it. To be honest, I don't even remember what I did get from Santa that year. I just remember that my best friend, Stacie, did get the Barbie Dreamhouse. I do remember feeling sad that she got it and I didn't. But, my friend was a very nice and generous friend (and she still is, by the way) and when I would go over there to play, she let me play with 1/2 of the house (the house actually divided up into 3 separate sections). (How nice is that, I tell you!!!) So at least I did get to enjoy it through my friend. I knew my mom felt bad she couldn't get it, but it just something my mom couldn't afford.

Sometimes Christmases were lean over the years. My mom raised 3 girls all by herself with no help from our fathers (another story later, I'll just say now that she had really bad luck with men), and so it was up to her to make our Christmases as nice as she could. She would sometimes be up until 2 in the morning, making clothes for us, taking our measurements while we slept.

One year she knew I wanted the designer brand names jeans that everybody was wearing at the time (I think that was 7th or 8th grade). So she asked everyone, to get me a pair of them. I was so excited that Christmas morning!

Another year, on Christmas morning (I think I was in either high school or out of it by then, I can't remember) I woke up and found a photo album from Santa. I thought, "Oh, that's nice" and didn't even look inside, until I saw my sister look inside hers. Her album was full of pictures of her from the time she was a baby until the present! So I eagerly looked inside mine and found the same! That was one of the most special Christmases I had ever had. It was a present that had a lot of meaning to it. My mom knew I loved pictures. She knew I would cherish this present. And it was a present that barely cost anything. It was something that she and my grandma enjoyed doing. They loved putting together those albums for me and my sister.

Those special presents like that are the best!!!

Mrs. Claus

Last year when we went through my mom's decorations, both my sister and I vied for the Mrs. Claus. Here she is (please forgive her, she's old and has some stains):



I don't even remember the year my mom made her. I think it was sometime in Junior High, maybe.


Every Christmas she would come out.


I often wonder why my mom didn't make Santa Claus too. Maybe it was because Mrs. Claus is often overlooked in the Christmas decorations category? Maybe it's because we were a house of females and Mrs. Claus was appropriate.


Anyway, I got Mrs. Claus. She's been out every Christmas, just as she had been when she was with my mom.


Shortly after I received her though, I wanted my sister to have her too. I often thought of maybe every other year, we trade off having her. But then I thought of something else......

Could I find the pattern? Could I find the material? Could I make my sister a Mrs. Claus of her very own?

Turns out they still make the pattern (Go figure!). And while I wasn't able to get all the material my mom used on Mrs. Claus, I was able to find the material that was on the picture of the pattern, which included the same material on the apron that my mom used (eBay ROCKS!). Besides, having it be changed a little bit would make it her own.

This past weekend my sisters came down to my house so we could celebrate Christmas together. When my sister opened up her Mrs. Claus, I cried (yes, I know, silly me, but I could tell she was so surprised with it and it was a special present. (Earlier in the day she was looking at the original Mrs. Claus and saying how she loved looking at it when she was little and touching it.)

Now she has her own:

Celebrating Christmas With My Sisters

On Saturday, both my sisters came down to my house so we could celebrate Christmas together, even if it is a week early.

It was SOOOOO nice to have the 3 of us together again, just us. I don't even know the last time, if ever, that the 3 of us and our family were together, just us. We've been together before recently, but there's always been my aunt and cousins too, which I absolutely love too, don't get me wrong. But it got me thinking, when was the last time the 3 of us were together, just us, celebrating something? Even when my mom was alive, my mom was there too.

To me, this last Saturday was such a special day for me. My girls and my one sister's girls played together in my girls' room, and both my sisters, myself and my one sister's husband all sat around the dining room table talking. (This was after we all opened presents, of course). It got me thinking back to when I was little and we had family get togethers. All the kids were off playing and the adults would be sitting around the table taking and enjoying themselves. I always wanted to sit with the adults when I was little. I was always fascinated by them and what they would talk about. And now I'm one of them!

Before my mom passed away, (up until my sister moved out of state), we were always together at Christmas. It was a tradition that we had always done since I was a wee one and we would go over to my grandma's house. And I know, that when we were all together, sitting around that table, my mom was looking down on us and smiling that we still get together, even though she's gone.

Next year, my sister has already said she wants us up at their place. I told them fine, but we'll have to do it like we did this year, about a week before Christmas, that way we can celebrate Christmas Day at home.

Hubby, kids and myself celebrated Christmas at home for the VERY first time ever, last year, and we loved it. It was just us, no rushing around to get to other people's house and we decided that we want to continue it that way. I do like starting the tradition of us sisters getting together a week or so before Christmas to celebrate it together though.

Memories Monday - Jingle Bells

I went to my Christmas party for my work on Saturday and had a really good time. Definitely something I needed. I did get embarrassed though when my boss was doing my "tribute" to being there 10 years. (Damn, where did he find some of those pictures????)

Now, since last year my boss has been giving "gag" gifts to the employees, and this year, I got a mood ring. TOTALLY fitting, since my moods have been up and down the past few months (thank goodness I'm on medication, otherwise they'd be even MORE wacko! )

Also, we raffle off the centerpieces on the table too at the party. There was this one that looked like a gingerbread candy store, too cute! I kept waiting for my number to be called, hoping that no one had wanted it yet, and thenk goodness when my number was called, it was still available!! When I got it, I didn't realize it was a music box as well! Even cuter! I love music boxes and I know both my girls love it too.

It wasn't until yesterday that I realized the tune (I mean I knew what the tune was, it's Jingle Bells) was VERY familiar. You know how when you play music boxes, at first they'll play REALLY fast and then slowly dwindle down to really slow? Well, this one is no exception. When it was playing really fast, that's when it dawned on me, that it was the same tune as a music box decoration my grandma had. My grandma's was a large gold bell, and when you pulled on the string, it played Jingle Bells. There was one point through the years when it didn't work, but somehow, someone got it working again. I don't know which one of my sisters have it now. One of them got it when we divided the decorations up, I think (either that or my aunt has it).

I always remembered playing that at Christmastime and dancing funny little dances when it would play really fast. It was always fun for us to pull the string to hear the music. Growing up it would always be hanging in the den over my grandpa's poker table. Later on in years when my mom had it, she would hang it on the wall between the dining room and the living room.

And now, thanks to my boss, I now have that music box sound of Jingle Bells again, along with it playing really fast and then really slow at the end.

Another memory to keep going strong.

Memories Monday - Fake Christmas Trees

Growing up we always had to have a real Christmas tree at our house. We LOVED the smell of it. But did we have to put it up, put the lights around it, and take it down and lug it out to the trash afterwards? No, I never remember doing that. Okay, maybe I put the lights around it, because apparently I'm pretty good at it.

Every year though, I always looked forward to going over to my Grandma and Grandpa's house on the weekend in December so I could put together their fake Christmas tree. It was like a puzzle to me. And it wasn't just putting it together, it was putting the ornaments on the tree, the same ornaments we saw year after year.

I now actually have some of those ornaments. They are so unique and I always loved them when I put them on my Grandma's tree. I also have my favorite ornaments that were on my mom's tree. And the ones that I made her. Like the macaroni one that's spray painted with gold.

We are now in the process of looking for a fake tree. I know, I know, I always said I would never have a fake tree in my house, but damn, it does get hard getting that real one in, keeping it watered, etc. Although.....I don't know...........I do LOVE the real ones too. I'm so confused!! I guess part of me is worried that the cat and dog are going to destroy it while I'm at work one day. Hmmm......what to do.....what to do..........I LOVE traditions, but I also like the convenience of getting a prelit tree too. I did go buy a real wreath though today at Costco. So at least I DO have the smell in the house......

Christmas....It's a' coming!

Ah, this is the time of the year when I get SOOOO extremely busier than normal. Well, obviously, duh, because Christmas is coming and I have people to buy for. I so enjoy buying presents for my family and friends! I like it when I've come up with a great idea for a gift for that person. I also get frustrated at times too though, when I can't even think of a thing to buy for someone either.

At my last pychologist appointment on Thursday, she gave me homework. I am to write down everything that I do. Damn, another thing to add to my list of shit that I do all day long! Oh, and I am to start lists of things I need to get done. I like that one though. It does definitely help me get through things better. The past couple of days I have gotten through many things on my list. Of course I'm always adding things to it too.

Oh, and I'm also tired these days too. Why? Because my DAMN cat keeps meowing all night long, wanting to come into my bedroom. Why don't I just let her you say? Because I still wouldn't get any sleep, because if I dare move during the night, she'll wake up and start attacking whatever it is that moved.

Okay, enough whining for now, I'm too tired. I'm going to try and catch up on some sleep before I start another busy filled day tomorrow.....