Trying VERY Hard Here.....

4 years ago on December 19th, was probably the worst day in my life. That whole week was probably the worst week in my life.

When my mom died.

Christmas? Yea, not so much fun AT ALL.

But I vowed that I would not let her death ruin future Christmases for me, considering it IS my favorite holiday.

I LOVE decorating the house, both inside and out. I LOVE getting presents for people. I love MAKING presents for people. I love to see the look on their eyes, or hear it in their voice when I get them something that they wanted, or didn't expect or love.

I LOVE the whole month leading up to Christmas. I LOVE baking Christmas goodies. I love getting the Christmas cards out. I LOVE receiving Christmas cards and find out how loved ones are doing and what they did this year. I LOVE waking up Christmas morning and seeing the anticipation on my girls faces for when they can come out and see what Santa brought them.

I LOVE the ornament exchange that my email moms group does at this time and how we almost always end up having a crazy chat conversation on the computer and laughing.

I LOVE going to look at Christmas lights. I love how the house is so warm and toasty during this time (that is when it's not 85 degrees outside).

4 years ago, I couldn't wait for Christmas to be over. Instead of the excitement leading up to Christmas that last week, I was wishing it would be over as soon as possible. Oh, I tried my best to put up the best front I could that morning for my girls, trying to smile and be happy, but it just wasn't there. And it wasn't there for my sister. We were both faced with the wrapped presents that were under the tree for us from our mom. And the presents that were under there from us for our mom. We did get through it, with the help of hubby, who suggested we each other's presents that we had given to mom the night before, that way they wouldn't be sitting there Christmas morning.

This year circumstances are really testing my love for Christmas again.

Last week we had some heavy rains, and not that we haven't had heavier rains prior to this time, but this time we thought we had it all covered. A new roof, new rain gutters, we thought we were set.

Well, apparently the rain gutter guy didn't install the downspout in the proper positioning, because with as much water that came through the one downspout, it has seeped into the oldest's bedroom and totally ruined her carpet.

So the bonus I got for being Employee of the Year? Now has to pay for a new carpet. We have contacted the contractor who installed it and he, so far has said that he is not responsible for it.

He has yet to talk to me though.

I will be calling him in the next couple of days and try to get him to understand that he is responsible and should do the right thing and pay for it, to avoid going to small claims court.

So in the meantime, hubby has pulled up the carpet to get ready for the new carpet. The oldest did a fabulous job emptying her room for that. It's amazing the nooks and crannies I can find in this house to store her "room".

So he pulls up the carpet and what does he find? Linoleum. Linoleum??!! In a bedroom??!!! WTF?! But then we're thinking okay, maybe that's not such a bad thing. It probably protected the slab.

So hubby goes in there (after putting fans and heaters in there to dry it out) and finds the linoleum loose. So he starts pulling up a few of the tiles.

Yes, water under there!

So now he has to pull up the whole floor (carpet tacks around the edges and everything) so we can dry out the slab. Which pushes back the installation of the carpet by quite a few days.

Because you don't want to put new carpet on a damp slab or an seemingly dry slab, you've got to wait until a few days after that.

When did all of this start you ask?

December 18th & 19th.

The same time my mom had her stroke and died, 4 years ago.

So of course it's bringing back all the feelings of dread and doom and despair I had 4 years ago.

I'm fighting like hell to try and keep my spirits up and push forward to have a wonderful Christmas.

I told hubby last night that I don't want to know all the details anymore. Just let me know when the room will be ready for the carpet.

I want to be in denial on this one.