Observations..

The other day I went down to the beach in the late afternoon with my camera and went to observe and see what was there to shoot.

My New Favorite Song....

Dreams

I have always been somewhat of a spiritual person in the fact that I truly believe that our souls move on from earth when we die. Whether they go to heaven, hell or hang out waiting for something, it is something I believe in.

I believe that our loved ones can and do watch over us and can come to us in various forms.

For me, it's in my dreams.

About six months after I lost my grandma, I had a dream in which she was standing behind my grandpa and we were at a family function. I talked to her and asked her how she could be there when she was dead. She told me that she was watching over my grandpa. I then asked how could it be that I could see her though? She told me that it must be because she was watching over me as well.

From that point on in my life, I knew.

I knew that our souls still lived on.

I knew my grandma was my guardian angel, if you want to call her that, and she was watching over me.

She watched over me the night I drove up to see my mom after getting the phone call that she was in the hospital and there was bleeding in her brain. She had had a massive stroke. I knew my grandma would make sure I got there safe to be with my mom when she died.

About six months after my mom died, I had a dream in which she was there too, with me and my two sisters. She didn't stay long, for she said she had to go, but that she would be back. She then hugged us all together and then the next second she was gone and the three of us were hugging each other.

This is a prelude to the story I am about to tell about the dream I had last night which involved my dad.

**********************************

For those of you that do know me and have known me forever, know that, growing up, my dad wasn't really around.


Oh, he would show up every now and then, would drop off birthday and christmas presents, or just stop by to visit, always unannounced. Then it eventually was where I didn't see him, but I would find the Christmas present from him under the tree. Even though I rarely saw him, seeing that present made me feel special. And it wasn't the gift itself, it was the fact that there was something there for me, only me, from him.


My mom had this photo cube that had pictures of me and him from when I was little, that she always had out for me.


When I played softball in junior high and he came over to see me and my mom told him about it, we went out and played catch at my grandma's house. See, he used to play baseball, and was even in the minor leagues in Ohio, so that was a treat for him to know that. At that point, it was a little awkward for me to go out and play catch with him, but I did it. That was also probably the second to last time I ever saw him. I was 13 or 14.



The next time I saw him I was 16 or 17. He and his girlfriend, of many years, came up to the door one Sunday afternoon. I was in TOTAL shock when I went to the door to see who it was. I was completely taken aback. My dad? Showing up after all these years??! How dare he! I was stunned, hurt, and pissed off beyond belief. Of course my mom and I let him in.


I had so many questions.


Where had he been? Ohio.


Why hadn't he gotten in touch with me at all? No real answer.


Why couldn't he have even sent a postcard or something? No answer for that.


I was pissed, and getting more pissed and hurt by every second.


(Now, remember, I am 16 or 17 at this time, and in high school. I also started smoking then too. My mom smoked and when she found out I did too, she never, once, told me I couldn't smoke. And so, as bad of a habit as it was, I did it, and smoked in the house.)


I went in my room, pissed, pacing back and forth and pissed, and hurt. Why would he do this to me? How could he hurt me like this?? How can I make him hurt like I'm hurting? Then I thought, hey, I'll light up a cigarette and smoke in front of him. I had to do something to make him as mad as I was. (yes, I know what a stupid thing to do, but hey, when you're 17.....)


So I did it. I lit up a cigarette, came out in the living room where my mom was being cordial and talking to my dad.


Not a word. Not one word came out of his mouth about me smoking. I knew he didn't like it though.


And then I left. Stupid, selfish teenager that I was, I left and left my mom do deal with being cordial to him.


And that was the last time I ever saw my dad. No more innocence. No more waiting for him to show some sort of affection for me, even if it was in the form of a present left at my grandma's house for me (which stopped when I was 13 as well).


Now, another sidenote to my story.....I knew I had a brother and 2 sisters older than me. I had never met them. I did end up meeting them when I was 19, but I'm going to save that story for another time.


They had told me, after I met them, that my dad was married to their mom when he married my mom. I found out that my dad used to hit my mom when he was drunk. I found out that he was a con-artist as well. I found out a lot of stuff about him that my mom had never told me. She had told me once that she wanted me to form my own opinion about him and not be influenced by what had happened to her.


That photocube that was displayed? It was no longer out. It was gone. I never wanted to see it again.


He had made veiled threats to one of my sisters and also to my mom about things if they let this continue, my relationship with my brother and sisters. Now, I think he was scared. He didn't want me to know about the things he had done.


He had a lot of issues, as you can see.


More stuff to fuel my anger and hurt about him.


There's actually a lot I DON'T know about my dad.


My sister did tell me one thing about him though. As crappy of a dad and husband as he was to them, our moms and us, he was a great grandpa. She was the one who was the closest to him, even though she says that I was the one that saw him the most. Maybe when I was little, but not later on in life, obviously.


Even when he was going in for a triple-bypass, I wouldn't go see him. I couldn't. There was still too much hurt and anger there. She pleaded with me, saying that he may not make it. But still, I didn't go. And he did survive that surgery. I knew he would.


After time, I did fall out of touch with my sisters. My brother had died of cancer shortly before I got married in 1992. I was still dealing with a lot of hurt feelings and emotions for a VERY long time.


Fast forward to 1998.


By this time I had had my oldest daughter. She was 3 years old then. My gorgeous redheaded daughter. Having a child puts a lot of things in perspective and time definitely has a way of healing a lot of pain and wounds.


(Another sidenote.....my dad was madly in love with Tina Louise who played Ginger on Gilligan's Island. I was named after her. He insisted I was named after her.)
This is me with him when I was a baby


By this time I was ready. I was ready to face him again. To let go of all the hurt and anger and just see him again. I wanted to show him his granddaughter. His beautiful red-headed granddaughter, who I knew he would fall in love with.


I was working for a private investigator and had access to online records. One day I was just surfing through and since I had his social security number from my birth records, I decided to look him up and see where he was living.


I found the file. I found his address. I was nervous, but also excited.


I was reading through the file and at the bottom I noticed something. It was a death notice.


He had died the year before.


It was too late.


I never got the chance to make my peace with him.

*********************************************

Back to the present.


To my dream last night.


I was on my way to visit my dad. He was in the hospital, but not for anything really serious. I went to see him and I had my youngest daughter with me.


It was such a nice visit. We sat and talked. My sister even showed up as well. He was playing with my youngest daughter too.


When I woke up and realized what had happened, I smiled.

My dad came to me in my dreams.


I have never, ever dreamt about him before. So I knew he came to me in my dreams.



I got to make my peace with him.


I do want to know more about my dad and will be talking to my sisters more about him and his life and will, at one point write about him and his life here.

And the photo cube? My mom never got rid of it. She just put it aside until I wanted it again.

And I do have it still.

My Baby

Taken at the fields today.

MIA....

Yea, I know. I've been totally MIA from here lately.

Just been busy I guess, and not in the mood to write.

Last week I got a new lens for my camera, it's been one that I have been wanting for a LOOONG time. (can you say f/2.8 baby!!)

I started taking pictures for one of the teams in my daughters' softball league that we have friends on.

These are just a few I took today with my new lens. Man, I love that lens....

(and these are completely UN-photshopped)

My desire is to really get into photography again, with sports being my first love to shoot.

Digging This Song

I was listening to a radio station here this past week and this song came on. It's a little funky but I love the beat.

This Seems Like A Repeat

I posted a picture similar to this about 11 months ago.

Except the cast was blue and it didn't cover 2 of her fingers.

But it's the same hand.

Earlier this week she was playing basketball at P.E. and the ball came up and jammed her pinky finger and fractured the bone. This break is about a 1/2 inch higher than when she broke it last year.

We go back next week and so they can see what kind of progress is being made there.

This after taking the little one to the emergency room the week before because some boy ran into her on the playground and she cut her chin. Luckily she didn't need stitches, however it did still bleed after a few days so I put a butterfly bandage on it and that helped.

It's the time for injuries, I guess.

Almost a Month??

Wow, I just realized it's been almost a month since I posted last!

Yea, a lot of stuff going on.

Softball, softball and more softball. My oldest did not make all-stars, but then again she didn't want to, so she didn't try as hard either.

I'm still involved in all-stars however though, as I am the uniform coordinator. I also decided to run for Secretary for the board next year (oh, but NO more uniforms, no way)

99% of the time I love bein on this softball board. The other 1% I fucking hate it. You get people who are on the board, but feel that they need to put their nose into everything by providing an opinion, yet do nothing to help the situation. That's the part I hate.

On a lighter note, I had my birthday about 2 weeks ago. It was nice, got to go out to dinner with some friends.

Now that my job on the softball board is almost over (until I take over as secretary in August), I can focus on repainting my living room and bonus room and redecorating some of the things in the living room as well.

Oh, and work on the changes I was talking about earlier.

Luau

Thursday afternoon we went to Paradise Cove for a luau. Hubby had been told by several people that this was one of the best luaus around. So we went all out. We went and got the "deluxe package", which included us being able to sit down front, having our dinner served to us, getting our pictures, extra drinks, better leis, etc...

The oldest took this of me, when it was nearing sunset..

This luau had lots of activities for the girls as well, which was wonderful because they enjoyed it SOOO much! They got to get "tattoos"....

The guy who is doing the youngest's tattoo was ended up being the guy who was the fire twirler guy (I'm sure there is a name for it, I just can't think of it at the moment)..... which made this moment all the more better, because that part of the show was her favorite part.

Hubby got the super deluxe drink, which was quite tasty!

As you can see, I got to partake in some of the activities too and got to be all dressed up. :)

Hubby and me....
Here are my girls in all their beauty as well.

And of course I had to get a "tattoo" too.

One of the things the girls wanted to do was have a hula lesson. Well, it turns out that one of the activities at the Paraside Cove luau was to have a little hula lesson. So we got the girls out there to do it. They had SOOOOOO much fun!!Here are my girls just before sunset..
Here is my youngest's favorite part. The guy who twirls the fire. Not so bad on the eyes too, eh?

Yes, I did take pictures of the girl dancers too........

Aloha!!

Aloha!

Greetings from Hawaii!

We just finished Day 2 of our weeklong adventure on Oahu.

I finally am able to get on the internet after a few glitches, I was going through withdrawls, LOL!!

This is our view from our hotel room. We are on Waikiki Beach.

We went for a walk on Pearl Harbor Naval Base.

As much as we can, we have the top down on our rental car.....

Day 2 took us over to visit the USS Arizona Memorial. It is something that I have always wanted to see. Both hubby and I were very choked up on this entire tour. Because hubby is in the Navy, this is an especially import piece of American History to us.

As you can see, you can see the USS Arizona in the water.

This is the air tower at Hickam Field on Ford Island. This air tower was the one that was hit on the attack on Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941. The tower has remained as it was that fateful day.

Tomorrow we are going to do some more sightseeing and then to a luau.

New Look

My oldest got glasses this past week. She definitely likes them, as you can see. :)

Stay tuned for a new look on this blog soon.

Tomorrow we are heading off to Hawaii!! I am so excited! We finally told the girls on Sunday. We had been keeping it a secret from them for over a year and a half. All this time they thought we were going to Catalina. Part of the reason for that was because, in the recent years, every time we made plans for a vacation, something always happened and it never materialized.

We were supposed to go to Florida about 2 years ago, to see my great-uncle, but he got very ill and we didn't go. We were supposed to go up to Washington, but then my husband's ship decided not to pull into that port, so that got cancelled. We were supposed to go up to San Francisco a while back, but that's when I started having panic attacks, so that never materialized either.

This time, we've got the tickets, we've got the hotel, we've got the car rental, hubby has the time off, panic attacks have subsided, I think we're good to go! :)

Just A Ride

A beautiful mermaid posted a link to this for me to watch after I had commented that I had had a particularly horrid and stressful week. It is something that I watch frequently when I've had a bad day to remind me that it is, "Just A Ride" and this too will pass.

Thank you so much McCabe!!

Giveaway

Head on over to my friend, Michelle's blog, One Crafty Mama!!

She is having a Giveaway over at her blog from my shop on Tuesday!

You have to go to her blog though to participate!

............

This is my life this week.

The softball fields.

My house is a mess.

As much as I love helping out on the softball board, I'll be happy when this week is done.

So I can get back to my house and family.

My redhead

*****************This picture was on the front page of Etsy last Friday! :)********************

I was taking pictures of my oldest for my etsy shop, Coronado Orange and then I was playing around in photoshop with them. She loved this picture so much she put it on her
"myspace".

You know how you have that "awkward phase" in junior high? Well, I think she is finally past that stage. Of course it helps tremendously that she has an aunt who spoils her and takes her to one of the best salons to get her hair done too. And then add in the fact that we love to watch America's Next Top Model, and voila!, she loves to pose. :)

Junior high has not always been the funnest place for her, but I'm hoping as we near the last 1/2 of it, she seems to be doing much better there. She is incredibly nervous to start high school next year. I just hope the confidence she seems to be having lately will cross over to help her transition to high school.

Here, where we live, her school is a K-8, where the "junior highers" are separated by the lower grades, however they still are basically all with the same kids.

So come next year she will be integrated with kids who come from all different schools too. While it's nice that they get to stay with their classmates for so long, it's almost like it's putting off that "intergration factor" when you merge with other schools.

Anyway, I just also wanted to show off my oldest today. :)

Roses

This is a closeup of one of the roses hubby gave me for Valentine's Day.

Crochet, crochet, crochet

These are two of my lastest creations that I've been working on and I have them up at my etsy store: www.coronadoorange.etsy.com

I feel like I have become a crocheting fool!

I'm also working on a blanket, another scarf, a bolero jacket for the youngest and I made a headband last night for the oldest (pictures later).

I also found a pattern for a yummy summer blanket too.

I also feel like I am collecting yarn. I just love the colors and the textures!!

My mom taught me to crochet when I was young and it is something I've always loved doing. It actually relaxes me too.

Of course because of the energy I've been placing on crocheting things, my scrapbooking hobby has fell wayside, to my dismay. I'm hoping to set aside one day a week to sit down and start creating pages again.

I've also been noticing a lot of yummy beautiful fabrics lately too and my yearning for sewing has been wanting to come out.

And with spring right around the corner, my yearn for wanting to photograph things comes out too!

It's times like these where I wish I didn't have to work, even though I do love working where I work.

It's times like these that I seriously need to clone myself, because I do love sleep and won't give that up.

Yummy

Nothing says Southern California like a sno-cone on a warm day in February.

Coronado Orange

My beautiful friend, Stacy, urged me to "put myself out there" and sell my creations. So I took a wild leap and starting crocheting at night when I was watching TV and I started making things. Right now, I have just made some beanie hats and scarves, but I keep finding patterns of things I want to make. And I have accumulated totes and totes of yarn. (I can't help it, Michaels keeps having amazing sales on yarns).

Crocheting is something that I've always loved to do. I started crocheting probably somewhere between 4th and 6th grade. My mom used to crochet and I asked her to teach me. Now this was a feat for my mom, seeing as I'm left handed and she was right handed. But somehow I caught on and learned.

Throughout my life I've mostly made blankets for people. I have made lots of baby blankets, and a few adult blankets too. One year I made a Grateful Dead blanket for my husband. That was a feat in itself, because I had to create the design from scratch and make it in a month. He was out to sea then and I didn't want him to see it, as it was a Christmas present.

In the past 12 years or so, I haven't crocheted much because other things just because life had gotten in the way and I have to watch how long I do it or my arm will start hurting.

So now I only do it at night when I'm watching TV.

I get inspired by colors and textures of yarn I see and patterns I want to try out.

I do plan on putting other things in my Etsy Shop as the inspirations come.

But for now, I have what you see in my Etsy Shop, Coronado Orange.

Busy, Busy, Busy

I just realized that it's been forever since I posted on here!

I have been so incredibly busy these days!

We had a wonderful Christmas and it was the best seeing my sister again. Even though we only live about 2 1/2 hours away (on a good traffic day), because we both have busy lives (she's a 1st grade teacher), we can't always get together as often as we'd like.

When she asked me what I wanted for Christmas, I couldn't really think of anything at first. Then I told her jewelry and I told her I had wanted a necklace from my friend, Stacy. She designs her own necklaces and has a store: BellaWish. I was SO pleasantly surprised when I opened my present from her and found this beautiful necklace inside!

Her necklaces inspired me to start creating again and she urged me to open up an etsy store of my own. I am working on that right now and I will let you know when it's ready.

My oldest is playing soccer on the All-Star team and so we are busy with practices and tournaments for that. Here she is this past weekend during one of the games (She's the one in red):

So, along with that, softball is getting ready to start up again, and since I'm on the board, I'm busy right now with that too.

And you know, I think January should be declared "National Organization Month", because every magazine has articles on organization, all the stores are selling totes and everyone seems to be in that mode after the holidays.

I know I am. I have a list on my refrigerator of what I have to do around the house and in what order I'm getting it done to make it most effective. I'm over 1/2 way done with the list, thank goodness. I figure as long as I get it done by the end of thise month, I'm good. :)

I've also been looking at other blogs and my friend Michelle, posted about a giveaway she had found on her friend's site: The Secret is In The Sauce, who wanted to let people know about a giveaway. These camera straps are absolutely adorable!! If I don't win one, I'm for sure going to buy one, so I'll get one either way!!

*SHEY* {B} Camera Straps and Slip Covers

So that's about it so far.

My time is up for now, so I need to get moving on the next item on my list.....