Memories Monday - Fitting In

Yesterday I had a talk with my eldest. In the next year and a half, she will enter the world of "officially becoming a teenager". So for right now, it's the pre-teen years, which are pretty hard in themselves.

She hates her hair.

She hates her freckles.

She wants to have straight hair like her friends.

She feels like she doesn't have as much as her friends.

Sometimes she feels like she doesn't fit in.

I can totally remember going through most of that too. And I remember friends wanting their hair totally straight too.

I remember not feeling like I fit in sometimes.

Just about all of my friends were only children.

They didn't have to share a bedroom (and I remind my eldest how lucky she is not to have to share a room). Since they were the only child, the money for clothes didn't have to be split 3 ways. They had two parents. They were the lucky ones.

Yes, I do remember feeling sorry for myself at times, and feeling left out because I couldn't get this or that, or feeling like I was the "poor relation" friend. I felt that my friends were WAY prettier than I ever was, WAY more confident in themselves.

I was insecure.

I may have not shown it, but I felt it on the inside.

I remember one night when ALL of my friends had dates and I didn't. I sat next to my stereo listening to Duran Duran while they were all out on dates. I felt so alone then.

And I told my eldest all about this, and how I felt.

I want her to know that it's not just something she has to go through alone. And she's not alone in it. I would have to say that probably every teenage girl goes through this at some point in their life.

I told her that even though I didn't have as much as my friends, I was still their friend. They didn't think that I wasn't worth "hanging out with" because I didn't have all the Guess? Clothing or other designer brands. They liked me for me. (okay, at least I HOPE SO! ).

I reminded her that her aunt does NOT have perfectly straight hair like it looks. She has to work HARD at making it straight. That if she didn't blow it dry and use a straightening iron (and she actually used to have my mom iron her hair with an iron at one point), she would have very curly hair. It would look like she had a perm.

I keep reminding my eldest that things don't always come easy. Sometimes you have to work hard at it.

And that it's not always about what you look like on the outside, because it's what's on the inside that makes the outside shine through and make you appealing to others.

Even now, being an adult, a mom, married, etc., I STILL get the feeling of not fitting in sometimes. I don't have a big house, I can't just go and spend money when I feel like it, there are still "clicks" with other women too. Although I do notice that it's not nearly as much as in high school.

I tell her that just because someone doesn't talk to you, doesn't mean they're stuck up or don't like you. Maybe they don't know you and maybe they are shy themselves. When someone is shy, they can come across as being "stuck up".

But then I do have to remind myself of what I DO have and appreciate what I do have. And remind my children to do the same.

I have to remind myself to enjoy life. Don't sweat the small stuff. Be grateful for what I do have. And I am extremely grateful for all of it. My husband, my children, my friends, my house and everything else.

I have to be an example to my children to show them to do the same.