I look at my sister and the things she goes through, or does, and it so reminds me of when I was THAT age. There are so many things she has done that I've done too, when I was her age. Oh god, don't you just hate saying that, "When I was your age". It sounds so old. Can't se come up with another phrase for that? I'm feeling like I need to get my walker out, or go buy one! Geez, I'm ONLY 38!
So anyway, my cousin is, yes, you guessed it, 18. The era of FINALLY becoming an adult. The age of "Yes, I'm an adult, so I can do whatever I want" "I'm an adult and you can't tell me what to do". Does it stop at 18? Hell no, we have this "I know everything and you are stupid" attitude towards our parents until we are in our mid-20's. It's something we all go through. Whether we admit it or not, voice it to others or not, it happens. And of course we DEFINITELY won't admit it while we're going through it because, hell, that would mean that we DON'T know what we're doing, and that's just not true. Even if we DO know that we don't always know what we're doing, we don't want to admit it. We just want our parents to fix things when we tell them to. We would have to admit that we DO need our moms. We'd have to admit that "Damn, we were acting like a bitch to our moms" Now, maybe some girls don't go through this as severe, which, god I hope so, because I'm NOT looking forward to it when my girls get to be that age.
And really, you DON'T realize what you're doing, and how you're treating them at that age. Because it's just something that happens. It's so normal (at least in my case, and that's all I'm saying...). Just because you've gone through puberty doesn't mean that the hormones aren't still raging out of control. Plus there's that gray area in which your mom still wants you to be that little girl, but wants you to be grown up as well. It's a hard adjustment for all.
I look back now, I and I think, damn, I was so mean to my mom in some of the things I said. (Not that I EVER cussed her out or anything like that, just had this attitude that was like, "Mom, I'm an adult now, I can handle it myself. I'm in this world of things that you aren't and you couldn't possibly know what I'm going through, or understand it)
Of course it wasn't always like that. There were times that I would have really cool conversations with my mom. There was this one time......
My mom and I were sitting in the living room, having a beer and talking one time Yes, I was 18. I actually had a mom who would let me drink with her. No, we weren't white trash, she just remembered when she was that age, and didn't want to be a hypocrite. It was nice, it was civil. She had some things she wanted to tell me, now that I was 18. She told me that twice, before I was conceived, when she was in her early 20's, she had gotten pregnant and her parents had forced her to give the baby up for adoption. She was 22 and 24, I think. This was back in the early 60's. She wasn't part of the hippie movement though. That was SUCH a shock! She said she wanted me to know, in case they ever came to the door looking for her, their "birth mom". She wanted to let me know that she had done drugs in the past. She had even done Angel Dust once. HELLOOO??!!!! Okay, total shocker, never knew my mom did THAT?! She didn't seem the type. See that's the things with us moms. We DID do things in the past. Doesn't mean we do it now, but sometimes even moms screw up, and good ones at that. Then she told me that if I ever wanted to do drugs, to ask my Uncle, and he'd do them with me. Ummmmm.....okay, yea, like THAT was going to happen. "Ummmm, Uncle? I'd like to try some heroin, would you do it with me?" Not that I ever TRIED heroin, NO WAY. Uh-uh. Not going to happen, didn't happen, never going to happen.
Then she started asking me questions.
Was I a virgin?
No mom, I'm not.
Was it with so and so?
No mom, it wasn't.
Have you ever tried drugs?
Yes mom, I tried a couple, but I didn't care for them, and one has such a weird effect on me, that I don't want to do them again. (It WAS an open and honest relationship, but that didn't mean I was going to give out ALL the details, I was 18, after all.....)
Okay, you get the gist of the conversation, now, don't you? When I look back on it now though, it was such an awesome conversation. So open and honest. Sex, drugs and rock 'n roll (okay so we didn't talk about rock 'n roll, but it sounds good, doesn't it?). Did I stop my "attitude" with her? Yea, no. Didn't happen. Not for a few years. But I WISH I knew what I was doing. I WISH I realized what I was doing and could have stopped it. We moms don't deserve that, but we do put up with it, because we remember. We remember what WE did, and we remember that we DO get out of that phase. I remember when my sister was that way to our mom. There were times I wanted to smack her upside the head and tell her to stop it. But I didn't. I remember that I did it. And my mom did too. She mostly just rolled her eyes at the whole thing, and didn't take it to heart. She knew. She knew it was just a phase. She knew she had raised us well. And it was a phase. My sister did get over it.
Now, the cycle is starting again. My cousin. She's 18. But maybe, just maybe, if she knew that her mom does understand, or knew that we "elders" do get it, it might help? That if she's going through something she doesn't quite understand, that some one else, someone in her family does? I can hope.......
18 is SUCH an awesome age, but it's also such a a turmoil age too. Would I want to be 18 again? Uh, yea, no thank you. With age comes wisdom. I don't want to think I know everything, when there is so much that's going to happen. Give me a break. I'm 38. I KNOW everything now!
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