Thoughts of Mom...

I've been thinking a lot about my mom lately. That's not to say that I stop thinking about her, far from it, it's just she's been in my thoughts quite a bit lately.

The other day my eldest was having a meltdown for some reason (to tell you the truth, I can't remember if it was because of clothes, homework, reorganizing her room...) and I just sat down calmly with her and said, "Well, let's figure this out". Saying that TOTALLY brought me back to when me and my sisters would have a problem. My mom wouldn't freak out or yell at us, she would calmly say, "Well, let's figure it out" or "Let's see what we or I can do". She was SOOOOO awesome that way!! She brought the tension level way down and brought us down to be calm and have us totally trusting in her to help us out. And she always did help us out.

I was talking with my sister, Heidi, the other day and we were talking about how a lot of our mannerisms are a direct copy of our mom. Sometimes I'll position my hands in the same way Mom did, or talk in a certain way that she did as well.

It's hard to believe that it's already been a little over a year since she passed away. I sit here and still can't fully grasp that she's gone. If I sit and really think about it, I will feel SOOO alone and lost without her.

As Heidi and I were saying, there's so much we want to just sit and tell her. I loved talking to my mom. I would call her at least twice a week, most of the time more. And whenever hubby would go out to sea, I would call her EVERY DAY. I kid you not. Even if I was just on the phone for five minutes, I would still call her every day. Boy is my sister going to be in for a surprise when hubby starts going out to sea again. She is going to get SOOOO sick of hearing my voice! LOL!!! I'll try and break it up and call my aunt or my other sister too, along with my cousins. It's just when he's out to sea, I need to talk to SOME adult, a family member every day.

Back to mom.....I truly, truly know she is in heaven, and watching over us. I'm not sure exactly which one she watches over the most, probably the grandchildren. I know that my grandma watches over me. Some people may think it's a bizarre thing, but I KNOW she's watching over me. I just know, you know?

One of the hardest people I had to tell, when my mom died, was my friend, Stacie. She grew up with me. She has been my friend since my baby sister, Heidi, who is now 27, was born. I rarely ever think about that day, after we left the hospital, because it is still just too painful to deal with again.

Before, growing up, whenever I did mannerisms or things my mom did, I would so try and change them. Because, of course, I wanted to be ME, not my mom. Oh my goodness, like who would want to be that (in my totally Valley Girl voice). But now, I cherish the mannerisms I have from my mom. I adore saying some of the things she did. It makes me so proud to carry on things she did. She was such a good mom to us and totally devoted her whole life to raising us and loving us. There were times when money was so tight, we would have soup and corn muffins for dinner, but mom made it to be a treat for us. That, and cottage cheese and peaches, or macaroni & cheese and hot dogs were SO special to us!

Mom made the little things so special for us, and I truly hope that I can do the same thing for my girls.