The Secret Keeper

Starting back probably in high school, and probably earlier, people have told me things.

Confidential things.

Things that no one else knows about.

And according to me, they won't know. At least not from me.

It wasn't until just recently that I realized that I have become somewhat of a "Secret Keeper". Lately people seem to feel that they can talk to me and tell me things. Or vent, or whatever.

I was talking to one person about this a few weeks ago and aloud wondered why they come to me and tell me things.

This other person, who was venting and talking about things said, "You're approachable".

See, I've never really thought of myself as approachable.

Growing up I always felt like the person in the background. Second fiddle.

Although I certainly know that back in high school and beyond, after drinking, I certainly would approach people. Alcohol seems to do that to people.

Ahhh, you know, sometimes I do miss drinking. It's been years since I had a drink.

Part of the reason is because I have high blood pressure and it's certainly not good to drink.

Also, because I remember one of my friends, who had a little one, was drinking and got quite tipsy and was around her and I swore that I would not be like that around my children.

And considering the fact that I was with them almost 24/7 in the beginning, AND breastfeeding, there certainly wasn't the opportunity to drink or the desire. Oh sure, every once in a while, like at a New Year's party, or a Tupperware party I would have a drink or two, but the last time I got drunk was the night before I got married. (Hey, it was an AFTERNOON wedding, so it was okay, and it wasn't like I was having second thoughts or anything, it was just a night out with the girls).

But now? Sure, I wouldn't mind one every now and then.

Anyway, back to present day.

Lately, with all the wonderful therapy I have gotten in helping me deal with my mom's death and how it affected me, I feel back to "ME", you know? Like I found myself again. I found my confident self again, and my "social" self again too.

Being on the softball board, I have met so many nice, good people. People that I probably wouldn't have crossed paths with, had I not get involved. And maybe it's because I don't have an "agenda" by being on the board that I can listen, without judgement to people.

And by being called "approachable", I take that as a compliment.

I take that as coming full circle and being "me" again.

I certainly feel so much more relaxed about myself and a lot of things.

So I'll be the Secret Keeper. And I'll listen. And I won't tell anyone. It's not my place to tell.

I'll be your friend.